I'm hungry. That's a good thing. A very good thing. Yesterday, after not eating for thirteen hours so they could get their blood sample from me to do tests I can't remember, I got kind of sick. The new, lightheaded thing. But I had a special variation last night; a buzzing sound/feeling would leap through my head, sometimes a few times in a row, and then leave. But it sometimes (but not always) threw my vision off a bit, too. A bit of a spinning world thing. And I could have that sensation while lying down; it wasn't limmited to when I stood up. But thank God, today the lightheaded, spinning headed, thing went away long enough for work. There was a moment when I determined that I should eat lest the lightheaded thing return. And now I shouldn't wait too long before my lunch or I might end up missing my class tonight... My boss spoke brilliantly to me today. She said that the longer I didn't hear from the doctor, the better the news was, because if it was really bad, they would call sooner. I two-thirds believe her. But even by that, I've got another day before I can determine a better or worse outcome. But really, my concerns are more focused on not getting spinning-head/lightheaded issues so that I can safely drive to my class tonight and counseling tomorrow. And for that, I should avoid worrying and not avoid food. (But what on earth will I do between working and eating and my class? Another movie? How many of those am I going to watch? What if they start getting too boring or too expensive? And so on and so forth. Have a good lunch/supper and may your head feel stable and fully supplied with oxygen.
My merry-go-round
I've been keeping a mood log since sometime last May, or maybe June. I've done it on the OpenOffice software similar to Excel. This means I can do cool stuff like make charts and graphs to see how my mood has swooped around over the last year. This last week, I found that you can also put in a trend line over your chart. This was neat, but disturbing. I used it over charts made from week averages for the last 10 or 11 months. I learned that: My depression at its best (each day, then averaged per week) is getting better. My depression at its worst (each day, then averaged per week) is getting worse. My anxiety is getting worse. My sleep time is increasing. My exercise time is decreasing. Or, in short, my worst is getting worse. So then I wonder if I'm using the same standards to judge my mood as I was using in May last year. After all, the mood ratings are subjective, done each day, or occasionally every few days. But what if anxiety that I called a 5 in May would be
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