Sunday, April 25, 2010

So if compulsions are things I do to get comfort from obsessions, and if going through with them makes OCD worse, (and if I have OCD,) does that mean that I shouldn't be comforted? Sweet.

There's a point when I've read enough blogs and articles and books about OCD. Where that in itself might qualify as a compulsion. Let me reassure myself one more time that I'm not the only one who wonders these things. Let me know that I'm not alone. Let me know that I'm not as defective as I'm afraid I am.

Christianity and OCD; there's a subject. Verses in context, verses out of context. We could talk awhile, couldn't we. Oh, there, thought of it. But an English concordance might be faster than a Spanish one (my Spanish is, uh, limmited). Oh, there, I opened right to it (the verse). James 5:12 verse (yes be yes) is true. So must I only give yes or no answers? But then I might lie. James 4:15. Yes! I can give something besides a yes or no, something that recognizes the uncertainty of the future and that it isn't in my control. Having said that, putting maybe, probably, and I think all in one sentence is not what the verse is talking about and it might (maybe, possibly) be unhelpful. :)

John Bunyan, Grace Abounding. Neat book. I think maybe (probably [ha! got all three in again][hey, your not supposed to do that]) he struggled more extremely than I do. Certainly WHAT he struggled over wasn't all exactly the same, but I can understand part of it, the feeling condemned by one verse and loved by another. Here is something I wonder, How did he "get over it?" (I think he got over it, at least to a large extent.)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

thinking

So.

Someone said to me one day in the last few months that if I had a label, they would guess Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I said, well, I'd been diagnosed with that in highschool.

Then I started researching it. It was fascinating! I read about people who thought like I did (okay, maybe they carried some things to a greater extreme than I do). It was quite the relief! But then (another OCD symptom?) I worried that maybe my OCD tendencies aren't strong enough to really qualify as proper OCD. Okay, why does that matter? Well it does matter to me. It matters how seriously I should pursue counseling. It matters in that I don't want to say I actually have OCD when I really only have OCD tendencies. It matters that I don't want to be wrong. But REALLY matter? No.