Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The OCD monster doesn't take humor very well (cartoon)


I made this one completely on the computer. I need to work on the monster's color - it is too pink for my liking. And make the writing more readable. Bigger font? It really needs more definition, but I don't know how to give it that.

Turning over a new leaf?

Well, I found the weekend to be tougher than I expected, until Monday. Saturday and Sunday I was winding down from my busy, stressful week. Saturday, I tried to do alot, too, so I kept Sunday and Monday for rest. But when Monday came, I decided I wanted to clean my house. I just tried to keep my stress level down while I did it. So now my house is almost too clean - it seems that while too cluttery is overstimulating, too clean can be, too. I don't want to mess it up. Actually, I've gone a full twenty-four hours of keeping up with my dishes. Remarkable, really.

But the cleaning and the schoolwork and the new job make it easy for me to get into a go, go, go, go mood. Do this, do that. But right now, I feel better. Me and my computer and the internet. Quite nice.

My former boss informed me that she didn't need me last night, so there was a quick rearranging of my plans (I was planning to work 2 more days). But my new boss was nice and let me come in with my slightly complicated schedule (I still had things scheduled for the afternoons since I hadn't expected to be at my new job yet).

This morning, I got up early enough to do something more than rush around madly before leaving for work. That is part of the new leaf I'm trying to turn over. Well, it worked this morning. Of course, I wasn't very tempted to oversleep since I was waking more and more often to check the clock. Afraid of oversleeping. Occasionally that happens to me.

Well, I'll have to be intentional about rest with my new, busier schedule. If I can do that, I think I'll make it fine. I don't actually have that much schoolwork to do. The rest is the big thing. And I don't mean sleep; I mean relaxing and letting myself be off duty.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Well, a lot has been going on. I started my new job last Thursday! I'll be finished with my old job this coming Wednesday. And at my new job, I ended up getting the toddler teacher position after all! So now I'm collecting craft ideas and tossing around schedule plans in my head. Like Father's Day gifts. Hint for new child care workers - start gifts early, because you don't know what will happen and who will be out sick when the time gets short.

I'm rather tired, but I still wanted to get up this morning. I wanted to take my next Human Anatomy quiz. I got a B on this one. Just one more quiz and the final are left, now.

I rearranged my house - maybe I already said that. It is cleaning up okay, though I do it in fits and starts and small steps.

Today the anxiety came for a visit. I'm not surprised. Actually, it isn't too bad at this point. And starting the new job conveniently coincided with the half of the month when I take a higher dose of my antidepressant - what had been the worst part of the month seems to be becoming the best part of the month.

Well, I'm still around even though my posts have slowed down. I wish you all a good long weekend.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

a new job!

I got a new job!

I gave my two weeks' notice today. I was aprehensive about giving it, and aparently, with a bit of cause. All I really got was one last guilt trip. At least I'm hoping it is the last guilt trip. Now I'm trying to be really sweet and nonconfrontational, because I would like a pleasant last two weeks.

The new job will be full time (40 hours a week). I'm nervous about that. But hopeful, too. I'm thinking the stress level will be lower, and I wont be a lead teacher, which is slightly disappointing, but also a relief. That should lower the stress level again. (I'm still going to be working at a childcare center.)

But this is me going back to full time work after my battle with the depression and OCD monsters. Still with two classes on the side. But I don't think I'll have to put that much time into the classes. Anyhow, it feels momentous; going back to work full time. Which doesn't make me a better person, but I guess part of me still thinks it does. Anyway, just maybe it can help me realise how much better I'm doing now (or that I can't handle that much yet, but I'm hoping for the first option).

Now I want to re-arrange my apartment (since that is the logical response to getting a new job?). It has to do with some ants visiting my kitchen. Not that rearranging is sure to change any of that. But it is spring/summer now. I don't need to have the heater clear and ready to heat my room. So I can rearrange. Maybe I just like rearranging.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

51% on a quiz

I did it; I got 51% on a quiz.

Which just might indicate the lazy side of my academic self.

Basically, I don't want to be taking this course. But I do want to pass it, so I'll study a tad harder for the second midterm Saturday. I want to get a C in the course. How's that for aiming low (I'm usually an A student).

Actually, I'm hungry, so hungry I'm not quite thinking straight. But I can't blame the test results on that. Too many questions were on things I just didn't know.

Today, I got home from work, and then went to a spur-of-the-moment interview. Hence part of my hunger - I didn't eat all my lunch. Regarding the interview, on the positive, it would have been to work with older little kids. That would be interesting. Nonetheless, I have doubts about if it is the kind of place I want to work at. I'll have to do some more thinking on it, but I suspect I'll end up giving a no, thanks, answer.

I'm looking for a job situation that would have both me and my employer happy. That would be the best, for both of us. So I'll keep looking.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Saturday's post, posted late

I've been sooo tired this week. First I was house sitting, so I blamed it on that. Then came a flurry of interviews (i.e., three between two companies). Then came panic about getting one of the jobs. Then came disappointment when I didn't hear back, which quite likely means I didn't get the job. And some relief, because this job would have taken more hours, and I was hopeful that I could handle it fine, but I was also nervous about it.

Now I'm feeling out of touch with the world once again, without house sitting to blame. I think I'll blame being off on my reduced medication dose, but it could also be blamed on a few bad headaches, possible allergies, high anxiety on Thursday and Friday, or something else. Last night, for example, I woke around midnight and then around 2:30 for a migraine. I've tried Tylenol, ibuprofen, psuedofed PE, eating, eating fatty foods, eating sugary foods, eating chocolate, sleeping, watching tv, sleeping on a couch, reducing my antidepressant dosage, and so on and so forth, with no clear or reliable cause or solution, except when stopping an antidepressant fixed it.

Well, I think it is time to go shopping. Happy Saturday to you.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

off

This weekend, I am house sitting. I am glad that I am capable of doing that now (i.e., emotionally). But I am finding it somewhat challenging. I feel off because I'm not following my normal routine. Ungrounded, because I'm not in my normal places.

On top of that, I have an interview coming up this week. Good thing, but would involve a slower transition (i.e., they would not have enough work for me right away for me to leave my other job, so I'd have to work both for a time). So I have mixed feelings there.

And then there are the migraines. At least, that is what my regular doctor thought these headaches were. And I've been getting them when I raise successful antidepressant SSRIs too high dose-wise.

I've had one yesterday morning and one this afternoon. I'm still hoping they are from allergies, yesterday from the house I'm taking care of (i.e., the pets?), and today from working in the garden in the hot sun. However, I'll drop back to the lower dose for the low dose part of the month (it was time anyway). I hope it isn't my SSRI, though, because I was feeling so good.

Positively, did I already say this, or not? I'm working on affirming myself - i.e., positive self talk. It is going well. Writing some positive statement (or coping statement) and hanging it up in my apartment seems to help. For example, one says, "It is okay to feel impatient; this, too, shall pass." Somehow I forget both pieces of that statement. But it helps to remember it during the stressful times at work.

Now I must close because the building is closing (and I don't have internet at home). Have a good week!