Doing well, well, as long as anxiety doesn't disqualify me
I feel like I've reached healthy, at least depression-wise. Not perfect, but healthy. Now the anxiety, that keeps visiting. But hey, I tell myself, I know how to deal with anxiety. Basically, give it some bad word people wouldn't think I'd ever give.
This morning, the anxiety just kept trying. It was like I'd find myself starting an anxiety rollercoaster about one issue, I'd figure it out, I'd step off, and a few moments later, the ground would start moving beneath me and I'd find that I was on another anxiety rollercoaster. So I'd step off... and find myself in another. The good thing was, I'd pretty much forget the last potential rollarcoaster pretty much the same moment I'd step off. And there were enough rollercoasters that I had lots of opportunities to practice stepping off.
There's a wedding coming up in my family. Really, really soon. And I volunteered to help with music. But last night, I started thinking, but I want my relative's wedding to be perfect, well, at least the music that I play to be perfect; I don't care so much about the rest being perfect. So I have to give up the idea of my playing perfectly, because, face it, music is rarely (if ever) played perfectly. No, music in real life has mistakes, it is just that most people don't notice the mistakes.
Anyway, I'm pretty distracted right now; I stumbled apon an art fair (I knew it existed, but I forgot it was today until I drove over here for something else), and I want to go. Get some sunshine and color and joy of the day. Just what my counselor would suggest, if she was here to suggest it. Just what the doctor would suggest, if he was thinking about my mental health issues that are doing so well. Just what I want, since I'm here and I actually know what I want.
Oh, and I'm trying to learn a song in a second language that is very lively and I might be playing at said wedding. It is distracting to listen to it and blog simultaneously.
P.S., I am entering 4 things in the fair this year, in two different chategories; thus my enter-something-in-the-fair-every-year tradition continues for the third year, and continues to expand.
This morning, the anxiety just kept trying. It was like I'd find myself starting an anxiety rollercoaster about one issue, I'd figure it out, I'd step off, and a few moments later, the ground would start moving beneath me and I'd find that I was on another anxiety rollercoaster. So I'd step off... and find myself in another. The good thing was, I'd pretty much forget the last potential rollarcoaster pretty much the same moment I'd step off. And there were enough rollercoasters that I had lots of opportunities to practice stepping off.
There's a wedding coming up in my family. Really, really soon. And I volunteered to help with music. But last night, I started thinking, but I want my relative's wedding to be perfect, well, at least the music that I play to be perfect; I don't care so much about the rest being perfect. So I have to give up the idea of my playing perfectly, because, face it, music is rarely (if ever) played perfectly. No, music in real life has mistakes, it is just that most people don't notice the mistakes.
Anyway, I'm pretty distracted right now; I stumbled apon an art fair (I knew it existed, but I forgot it was today until I drove over here for something else), and I want to go. Get some sunshine and color and joy of the day. Just what my counselor would suggest, if she was here to suggest it. Just what the doctor would suggest, if he was thinking about my mental health issues that are doing so well. Just what I want, since I'm here and I actually know what I want.
Oh, and I'm trying to learn a song in a second language that is very lively and I might be playing at said wedding. It is distracting to listen to it and blog simultaneously.
P.S., I am entering 4 things in the fair this year, in two different chategories; thus my enter-something-in-the-fair-every-year tradition continues for the third year, and continues to expand.
Anxiety can make simple things, like getting ready for the day, more difficult. You may being making excuses because of the way you feel. This could leave you feeling alienated and lonly. Natural Remedies for Anxiety Treatment
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you, Abigail! I'm glad the depression is better, and that you are dealing with the anxiety as it comes. When I played the piano a lot, I was always trying for perfection, too. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the art fair!
Like Tina said, it's good to hear from you!
ReplyDeleteI have been on an anxiety jag lately as well and you describe the rollar coaster ride perfectly.
I'm glad the depression is better.
I think it's awesome you are going to pay in the wedding! I'm sure they don't expect you to be perfect. They just want to hear your lovely music. I'm sure you will do great and it will be good enough no matter what.
ReplyDeleteThere is something about the summer, especially July, for me, that seems to stir up anxiety. It's moderated to escalators rather than rollercoasters, but I do get tired of it. Color and joy do help. I'm glad you have 4 things in the fair!
ReplyDeleteThat's so cool that your entering a few things in the fair- it must feel very rewarding. Hope you have another great experience this year!
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