unreasonably rational

Well, to continue a train of thought started at 71 and Sunny 's blog, lots of my OCD has been, well, invisible. Every now and then, I'd spout off an imitation of my brain's on-going monologue, and either be regarded as worrying about stupid things or be regarded with a bit more respect. My brain jumped topics pretty well, too. I'm not sure if that is typical with OCD, but it usually was with mine. Like while driving. "I wonder if I offended so-and-so last night in our conversation. Oops, I went over a bump. Was it a bump, or a person? Check mirror. Looks like nothing, but maybe there was a person lying in the depression in the road. Well, probably not too realistic. But wait; I wasn't paying attention for the last moment. Better check the mirror again. Rats, checking the mirror meant I didn't pay perfect attention in front of me. Quick, check it again. No, don't look that long, now you have to look again. This is not going to work. Look further ahead,...

You know the whole, too tired to go to bed, problem? That's me right now. I'm plenty tired. And taking a shower just seems like too much work. So I'll blog instead, and keep myself up later. Maybe my blog title should go back to being UNreasonably rational. I'm pretty sure that the stomach flu didn't help things, but I've gotten pretty tired. Add in the growing darkness, chilly weather, and dry skin from hand-washing (and this potentially without OCD hand washing; I tend towards dry skin, especially in the winter). The weekends are too short. School is too much, even though it is only a few hours a week. The children are trying my patience. And weight! The annoying issue. I still seem to be gaining a pound or two a month, which adds up. But I'm plenty hungry. Plenty hungry. Though that seems to finally be evening out as I get further from the flu. Now I'm simply really hungry and have gotten past the urge to try to fill myself up with potato chips be...

Today I decided it was time to fight back against the anxiety monsters. My anxiety got worse over the course of my stomach virus and then my recovery. I'm sure the lack of food (and appetite) followed by the incessant hunger that keeps coming back didn't help. But anyway, conveniently for me, my anxiety really likes to get on me for things like spending money and having fun. So the good news is that exposures for me can be things like buying things I want from the store and going out to eat and going to a movie. So I actually had a really fun day. I got a new sweater, squirrel salt and pepper shakers, a kitchen towel that wasn't perfect (the design didn't make me feel "just right"), and a dress-up hat for my toddler class. And I went to a birthday party for a 6-year-old. Going to a kids party as a single, childless adult has a certain amount of awkwardness in it, but I enjoyed my cupcake and hanging out with adults who weren't single and childless. So it...

Well, I stayed home today for my little flu again. And then I found out other staff had gotten it. And I thought to myself, "I wasn't making it up." Apparently old habits die hard. Not trusting myself. I mean, as if the physical symptoms of the stomach bug aren't enough. Oh, well. I think I am still improving, so I'll be content with that.

I went home sick today. Stomach something. Now im wishing for a keyboard on its side so that i could type more easily while laying down. As it is, im a onehanded typist. ive also been doing schoolwork. including these quizzes that i have two attempts for. got 9 out of 10 on the last two. and then i lay here contemplating how quickly my goal of getting Bs this semester changes to getting 100%. But im too done in to actually put in the work right now. Stupid stomach bug or bad milk response; cant my appetite come back now? I really dont want to miss more work tomorrow!

I think I want to change the name of my blog, but I can't remember how. I did it on my other blog (the one that died a silent death but is still sitting around in cyberspace), so I know it is possible, but I'll have to figure it out again. Unless one of you would like to share the secret. I'd appreciate that. Anyway, I don't want to stop blogging, but my focus in life is no longer mainly on my mental health. So I think my blogging topics will need to start exploring alternate subjects. So for those of you who suffered through my mental health updates, (if there are any of you left), rejoice. And if all you want to read about is how I deal/dealt with OCD and depression - that is okay; I've been there to. But you might have to look into older posts. There are only something like 390 of them, so you should be able to read for a while. Or you could follow other blogs, since there are lots of great ones. Anyway, my subject for today is being a Toddler Teacher. You ...

Well, I'm back to working full time! And I finally purchased internet for myself so that I can access it from home. Ah, now I can write late night posts without having to be out somewhere late at night. This may be a blessing, but it might also turn into a problem... (gotta keep some pessimism in my life, you know). So work is going great. Now I'm trying to settle into a school routine. Actually, it is pretty much like the previous semesters. Mostly, it is much less work than I expected. The information is much less new than I expected (i.e., I probably know 50 - 90% of the information already). Somehow that keeps happening. And there are moments of worry surrounded by lots and lots of procrastination and good grades. Take right now. My scores are all perfect so far. (positive). I'm approximately where I should be (i.e., a little behind, but not too far). (positive). I'm scheduled to take my first proctored exam on the evening of the last possible day because of sc...