Saturday, September 6, 2014

lost

Perhaps you've heard the saying about wishing babies/children came with a manual. I would like a manual for my own life. Why am i exhausted? How depressed am i really? Is the naturopathic route for me, or am i pouring money down the drain? How much does it matter which brand of fish oil and multivitamins and probiotics i take? I know the naturopathic doctor doesnt think there is any interaction problem with thesehomeopathic remedies, but is there? One of the (regular, not naturopathic) medications he prescribed that i take two of (and then no more) actually may interact with Seroquel; and even the pharmasist wouldnt have figured that out if i hadnt specifically asked if I could take it at the same time of evening as i take Seroquel. (It could practically make the Seroquel stronger, an effect i wasnt tooworried about.)

I finally, at the urging of my counselor, called my psychiatrist's office to see if I could get in earlier. It feels like defeat; I'm finally admitting that I need/want help again. My 10 or 11 month avoidance of my psychiatrist is over.

When my counselor looked back to see when this downhill slide started, it started in November. Sure, it wasnt constant; i still had good times. But the grey cloud has been approaching for a while. So will it stop now, or get worse? I dont know. I need to think a bit positively; wouldnt want a bad self-fulfilling prophecy on my hands. So we will have to see. My counselor said I shoukd ask Mr. Psychiatrist about the naturopathic stuff.

 Really, with the naturopathic stuff, i guess i felt like if i didnt try it, then my depression would be my fault. The ladies praying for me asked if i would be willing to try it. So i decided ivwas willing. Hey, what could it hurt? But the naturopathic doctor doesnt seem to understand very well about depression. He said something about our goal being to move the depression back to mild. That isnt my goal; i stubbornly hold out hope for depression reaching non-existent. He also said homeopayhic remedies tend to make things worse in the short run but better in the long run. While that may indeed be my fate, there is something infuriating about being moderately to borderline severely depressed and hearing someone's plan for your recovery includes getting worse. Does this doctor not realize that severe depression is a suicide risk? Mind you, I'm being a bit extreme when I say that, because I'm pretty well tied to living. But it still made me mad. And that is why I think the naturopathic doctor doesnt really understand strong clinical depression.

In the mean time, most treatment options involve s lot of time. Which is annoying to me. But at least I can try to be on the right track. And exercise. That would be good, too.

1 comment:

  1. Abigail, I am sorry that you are going through this. I am so glad that you are seeing your psychiatrist soon. I would talk with him about the naturopathic treatment and make sure that it's not interfering with what he/she is treating you with. I agree that not everyone understands what strong clinical depression is. Many think it's all in the way we think, and if we just think differently and eat better, we'll be all right. We have to turn to those professionals that DO understand clinical depression and can give us the best treatment. I'll be thinking about you.

    ReplyDelete