Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Frustration

I hate anxiety. And depression. But right now I'm busiest being mad at anxiety and the fact that i have it. Pardon my falling back to the child's protest, but, "It isn't fair!" Why do i have to deal with this anxiety if i want relief from it? Why do i have to fight it? I'm tired! I just want to sleep (but not go to bed, because then tomorrow will come, and I'm still trying to handle today).

But whatever the cause, be it medication related or from work stress or from my pet dying or my coming down with bronchitis (I'm mostly recovered) or my friend passing away (now do you understand why I'm fed up with this spring/summer?), the anxiety has reached the point where the prospect of continuing as is has become more intimidating than tackling anxiety in therapy again. Which tackling i hate, by the way.

So my counselor and i discussed it, and I've got one ocd exposure in process. And I've got the job of recording my anxious thoughts.

She mentioned again how an episode of anxiety shouldn't take more than half an hour before it calms down. But my anxieties like to switch all over the place, thus they don't peak the same way. I'll switch from one thing to the next to the next, forgetting the other things while i attend to any one particular thing, but quickly bouncing on. But the long and the short of it is, it's not working out acceptably for me.

So i shall once again embark on the dreaded ERP and paying attention and writing down the anxieties that I'd rather try to forget.

4 comments:

  1. Oh I hear you on this. Literally just had the worst OCD attack the other day that I've had in like 3 years. Not fun. But you've done ERP before, so you're already ahead of the game. You can do this. One step at a time. Good luck!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Once i started into the ERP it wasn't so hard. Perhaps anticipation is the harder part. It is a pity OCD keeps popping up for us, though

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  2. Yeah, both the anxiety and the therapy kind of suck, don't they. Wishing you success!

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