Saturday, July 8, 2017

It's going to be okay

Today, I did a little homework, tried to help a friend, had lunch with family, said goodbye to a family member whose visit ended, did a little shopping, had a little trouble with my parking skills, missed a friend who moved away, temporarily called it quits and curled up on my couch, worked on a puzzle, and watched Netflix. I don't know if it has to do with starting another 5 week summer session of graduate classes, or staring at the uncertainty of how I'm going to make schedules work with classes the rest of the year, or having friends move away, or just plain, stupid, depression with a side of anxiety, but I'm struggling. Trying to keep everything going, and it just isn't working to my satisfaction. But is there a satisfaction for me? I mean, would a change in circumstances really change anything? I hate depression. Or whatever it is that has my eyes leaking. I'm tired of pushing and pushing and pushing. I'm halfway through my degree, but it is stinking hard! Not so much the work itself. Just getting myself to do the work. My college dilemma one more time. It's late. I'm tired. But I did eat; I didn't skip a meal. I just delayed supper by a few hours.

It's going to be okay. That is the story I sing for myself. Day after day. Because ... I'm not sure why it's going to be okay, but I'm going to keep believing it. And maybe calling my psychiatrist. We'll see.

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