unreasonably rational

In some ways, my life has been consistent for the past three years. A good job, Princess the guinea pig. Okay, so the other guinea pig died, I changed churches, but I'm still in the same apartment, and it is still a mess. I still see the same counselor, except not this week. So it is really a jumble of new and old. But the newest change is leaving my job. I can't tell you how sad it makes me. I stay up late at night, then am exhausted at my job the next day. I love the people I work with, and I have been doing this sort of work for nearly ten years. Also, I'm the one making this decision; no one is making me do it. Now that I finally have my teaching certification coming, I want a job that requires it, or to sub for a job that requires it, so that I gain experience to gain a "certificated" position. I guess I would rather be the cause of a change, even if it leaves me asking myself, "What am I doing? Why am I bringing this uncertain change on myself!?...

It has been almost a year since I have posted! It doesn't seem that long. At this point, I have finished my masters degree (!) and am in that annoying transition time where I find out what I will (or won't) be doing with my degree as fall approaches. This particular anxiety is more of a human anxiety than a disorder. Of course I am anxious about looking for a job that would use my new degree. Who wouldn't be? (I'm sure there are some exceptional people who would not be so anxious, but I also do not think the anxiety is abnormal). Somehow, that has not made the anxiety much easier to handle. Now, it is Saturday night, my house is a wreck, and I have slept more than I've been awake in the last 12 hours - or maybe it is close to even, but not the "healthy" 8 or 9 hours sleep to more awake time. I finally did a little cleaning - not much, but a little. Then I told myself that I could put up with myself. I can stand myself a little longer, because at least ...