a bit random

To the person who asked in a comment on someone else's blog about exercise; I like to exercise enough that the doctors and therapists and well-meaning people can't blame my depression on lack of exercise. I'm pretty sure it helps me feel better, especially when it is exercise that I enjoy. But even if it doesn't change how I feel, it rules out a possible cause of my depression, which is enough of a reason to keep me trying to exercise. (And yes, I still do usually fall short of my exercise goals for the week, despite my good intentions.)

To myself, how come I end up writing blog posts when I'm hungry enough to be distracted by it?

To whoever wants to read my blog...

My driving exposures aren't doing so well. I have trouble standing up to my ocd feelings of danger. I'm hoping not to worry too much about it, though, because I can gather myself up for another attack on the ocd later.

I'm getting ready to go on a real, true vacation. I'm going to see one of my sisters. The trip involves missing 6 days of work, traveling through airports and on airplanes, and messing up my carefully constructed "normal" life that has been designed to minimize depression and mental health issues. Today my counselor had lots of good advice. One thing she said was that it could be good for me to know ahead of time (like I do) that if I ran into too deep depression trouble, there is a hospital in my sister's area where I could go (where my Psychiatrist here used to work many years ago - an extra connection that makes me feel better). Of course, neither I nor my counselor wants me to end up there, but there is always that option should things get too bad, just as there is that option here where I live.

She also encouraged me to make lists. (I don't have a particular list-making OCD problem, so this isn't adding to a compulsion for me.) What am I going to bring? She encouraged me to think of things that work for me here that I can bring there or that I can copy or immitate there. Which made me remember my cereal. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, and an important part of my wake-up routine.

So I'm trying to think of my "security blanket" -type things. My word-search book (yes, I keep working through those and replacing them with new dollar store buys). My chapstick. My alarm clock used to be important, but I haven't used it in a long time, so I think I'll just use my cell phone this time.

I am making (i.e. decorating and modifying a cheap simple bag into) a purse special for the flying. My purse now has no zipper, just one snap, so things fall out. I'm trying to make one that zips closed. I picked the bag color and the ribbon I'm decorating it with... It should hold emotional as well as practical value. Actually, it does already.

And I'll probably bring my lullabye music. I was thinking about that recently, how it sounds kind of silly. "Grown-up" though I am, I use (dollar store!) lullabye music prepared for toddlers. It works so well at child care centers to relax the kids - and the teachers. So naturally, I use it for myself, too, when sleep is a bit hard to transition into.