Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Uh, yeah. So....

Oh, the present. It's easier to talk about sometimes. I seem to have drank borderline spoiling milk today and/or food with too much spice. At work. Because I seem to have a VERY picky stomach for milk (I like it, but it can still be reasonably good and leave me feeling sick). My solution to this problem is to not eat for several hours. This seems the shortest road to recovery, though it is a bit of a pain when I already was falling on the eating too little side.

But the past is fascinating. Especially mixed with the present. Like the fact that I have 43 unread messages for my main e-mail address (I glanced over the titles/senders and it just didn't seem worth the effort for the moment).

My good time last Saturday that I posted (a week and a half ago) didn't last long. At all. Like, 5 or 7 hours. Then I returned to being exceedingly depressed etc. The OCD liked to say, "you're gonna die" about things like eating the fruity gummy snacks that I liked. The depression thought that was depressing. The depression thought, "I wanna die." The OCD thought that was alarming. So basically, the depression and OCD got together and had a party, possibly aided by meds that either weren't right for me, had inconvenient side effects at the moment, and/or made one or two of my disorders worse. Who knows exactly what happened. But Tuesday I called my doctor's office (Monday was labor day). The receptionist somehow was swiftly convinced that I should see the doctor when in answer to one of her questions I said I wanted to die but was not going to kill myself. Then I asked if it had to be that day, she informed me that it did. Sad, because I didn't want to be a bother taking time off from work that day. Anyhow, I saw him and he switched me immediately from the OCD med and anti-headache-and-depression med to something else that he hoped would help me and keep the headaches away. So Wed morning I took it and in the evening I saw my counselor and she ended up recommending that I visit my local hospital for a rest and medication help.

So I encouraged myself through the ER by thinking about how much I wanted to sleep and how they could give me something to help me sleep. But I had to sit around a little too long to make it convenient to go to the ER for sleep. They did give me something to help me sleep that night: it lasted from about one a.m. to 5:30 a.m. Yay for my great ability to be awake. I got to see more of the night shift nurses that way.

So that's how I managed to be on Cymbalta for only one day. Now I'm on another OCD med and one to help with sleep. Unfortunately, it doesn't make me fall asleep fast. It can leave me in such a state the next morning that my boss said she thought I sounded "kind of groggy" in the morning. My old schedule for waking up and going to work doesn't work at this time. I guess I'll have to start waking up earlier. And really, I want to take it 4 hours before bedtime instead of the recommended one or two.

Now I have returned to the outer world. Rough transition, though. I guess I shouldn't be surprized; I was basically told that I should feel better in a month or few months. But hopefully they'd give me coping skills to better handle the rough spots in life. Somehow coping skills are easier to practice in a hospital environment where I am away from my normal trigger-filled environment.

Oh, and the exposure response prevention stuff I did to get myself to wear my watch on my left hand (which is just not right in more ways than one) turned out ... useful? Because the hospital put my allergy and name bracelets on my left hand. And sometimes that REALLY bothered me. But I was too scared of sinning/messing up their system to switch it to my right even though I could have. Thanks to the OCD for once again providing contradictory obsessions. :)

On a happier note, I'm now trying to get a guinnea pig, but waiting to hear from my landlord if that's okay or not. Apparently some people think they smell. Well, I have thought that, too, but I can also be used to it. We have guinnea pigs at work (pets for half of the classrooms).

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