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Showing posts from January, 2012
As far as the "how many classes should I take" issue, I solved it. We'll see how well the solution works out... Anyway, I decided I'd take the two classes that I have to take to graduate "on time" for school, and I'd take the American Sign Language class for fun, like a hobby, because I really wanted to take it. My resolve did fade a little when I got a D on a long quiz, but with my sister's assurance that I could work up to a final grade of a C or better, I am sticking it out. Even though I am currently relatively tired of watching and watching and watching a bunch of vocabulary words, most of which I already know. I play a guessing game and see if I guess the same sign that he then demonstrates. (See, my reseptive skills are pretty good. My grammar knowledge? That could improve. Especially when it comes to names of grammar rules - not the sort of detail I tend to pay attention to, since I personnally don't care what it's called as long as I...

somewhat better

Currently, my computer is somewhat working. That at least is encouraging. Today, I saw both my counselor and my psychiatrist. Right now, I'm kind of doing okay as long as I don't think about it. But thinking about it when I see my counselor and psychiatrist... well, I've been better. But hey, I've been worse, too. My current areas to improve are socializing and exercising. Exercising has somehow fallen out of my schedule. Not out of my to-do list, just out of my completed list. As for schoolwork, I think for a moment that I'm doing good and then find out that I'm actually falling behind in another class and might not be able to get the paper in on time. Somehow my expectations aren't lining up with reality. I expect to be able to do more than it seems that I actually can do. And there probably was a time in my life when I could have done more. That bugs me. Then again, when I could have done more, I wasn't working five hours a day caring for a mill...

overdid it?

The depression is making a passionate reappearence. Appearently, accepting monetary help from my parents has highly irritated it. And the whole, do I get a laptop for my sign language class or is that a terrible sin question, that's gotten some points in, too. I finally decided on the "go ahead and get it" side, which is monetarily disturbing, but might make it considerably more possible to pass the class. I hoped that deciding would stop the anxiety, but no, it continues. It would seem that I have made some mistake, that or the meds aren't working as well as I'd hoped. I'm guessing a mistake was made, regardless of the efficacy of the meds. I'm guessing it involved taking more than two classes this semester. I'm not sure what to do now. Do I drop the extra class? I've got a few more days to consider that. Maybe that would work. Maybe not. Who knows? Decide? Make another decision? Just existing is enough work, don't you think? Can't I jus...

Thursday

I keep trying to take the final exam for a class so that (if I pass with an A or a B) I can move on to the next class. However, it keeps not letting me take it. Some kind of mistake is permitting me to take the wrong exam and not the final one. So instead, I have the pleasure of listening to a lecture. I have this whole rule about either reading or listening to the lectures but not both. Well, in this class, my guess is that the lectures are what will get me good grades, which cuts down on the reading end. However, the lecturer likes to repeat himself. I know that this is good teaching practice and that it is expected that we will not only need to listen to his repeated (with variations) instructions but also need to read and review written material saying the same basic thing (as in, more reading than just the slides that are viewed during the lecture. Unfortunately, I can usually understand the first time through, so about a third of the lecture is interesting. I real...

the semester begins

The semester has begun, and I have "attended" for 65 minutes now - well, around checking e-mail etc. And already, I am annoyed about something related to each of the three classes. Two Depression warning signs: having trouble falling asleep and unreasonable (or at least unusual) irritability. What am I doing wrong? Why am I so angry! I don't like being angry! I am not angry at you, I'm just angry, or irritable, or choose whatever word you want. Anyway, I can't really solve the sleep problem, just keep going to bed at a reasonable (or almost reasonable) hour and follow the best "sleep hygiene" that I can. As for the irritability? Ummm, I could eat. That might help. If I could sleep more, that might help. Who knows, maybe this is the normal, "healthy" level of irritability and I've just avoided it for years with my mental illness issues. I know the whole issue with anger directed inward. Being angry with my self annoys me, but doesn...
How to cut corners shopping for food? Umm, haven't figured that one out, yet. The biggest danger is that I will loose my appetite and/or not eat enough. I was going to blame that on one of my mental disorders, but my unlabed sister experienced the same thing. I've got it; I can blame it on my genes. Anyway, I'm testing the internet-found coupon approach, with skeptically regarded results. Wait until after I shop for my update. hmm. I'm having some trouble. Last counseling session revealed... that I've got lots of anxiety tied up in my religious/spiritual/whateveryouwanttocallit part of my life. Oh, and please don't add the whole, "you're [religion] should change your whole life" thing, because I already know that and am not disagreeing with that. She suggested looking for a new church, and I disregarded the idea because it sounded too stressful. How sad is that. Anyway, I'm not sure I want to leave my church anyway, so that might work out f...