Monday, January 9, 2012

the semester begins

The semester has begun, and I have "attended" for 65 minutes now - well, around checking e-mail etc. And already, I am annoyed about something related to each of the three classes.

Two Depression warning signs: having trouble falling asleep and unreasonable (or at least unusual) irritability. What am I doing wrong? Why am I so angry! I don't like being angry! I am not angry at you, I'm just angry, or irritable, or choose whatever word you want. Anyway, I can't really solve the sleep problem, just keep going to bed at a reasonable (or almost reasonable) hour and follow the best "sleep hygiene" that I can. As for the irritability? Ummm, I could eat. That might help. If I could sleep more, that might help. Who knows, maybe this is the normal, "healthy" level of irritability and I've just avoided it for years with my mental illness issues.

I know the whole issue with anger directed inward. Being angry with my self annoys me, but doesn't necessarily through me off as much as my anger directed outward. Okay, so usually, I manage to (in reality or in pretend) aim my anger at something besides a person. I can be angry at the way a class was set up, but let the teacher off (since, obviously, the teacher doesn't know what irritates me). I can be angry at the stuff in my closet that is in my way (okay, maybe that's a little weird, but it's still not a person, so it isn't as "unacceptable" to me). I can be ... tired. Sleep might be nice. How about now? No, that might mess up tonight's sleep, which is probably already set to be messed up, anyways, and even if it wasn't, it might be now on account of a self-fulfilling prophecy (now there are two, though both are modified by nice, uncertain words that often prevent accidental lies, which lies the OCD is quite concerned about.

Then there is peanut butter, while I'm talking about OCD. I had peanut butter in my lunch today. The OCD was off on something about it being poison (even though it isn't actually harmful to me), and I generously offered my guest (the OCD) some food - peanut butter. I was amused, even if it was a little rude to the OCD.

Oh, lack of concentrating. Put that on the list of Depression warnings that is currently visiting me. I have a great ability to forget any sentence that isn't my current sentence (or the current sentence of the person I'm listening to). Actually, I can usually keep in mind a paragraph's worth of subject, but maybe not so well if you analyze this blog post.

Spell check doesn't like :"OCD" or "Ummm," poor thing. What a boring life it must lead.


  1. I hate that, being irritable for no reason i can think of. Don't know how to solve that yet- eating extra donuts or chocolate probably isn't a good answer, ha ha.

    The sleep thing: my counselor suggested melatonin to me. It's in the vitamin/suppliment section of the drug store- if you are unsure about it, ask the pharmasist if it will interfere with any of the other meds you are taking. Take a pill about a half an hour before bedtime. My dosage i have now is only 3 mgs per pill, so sometimes i take 2. The first bottle i got the dosage was 10 mg per pill, so read the dosage label carefully, different levels for different prices. They say it's for 'jet lag' and 'shift workers' to help them sleep.

    Ps. i'm not a doctor so take all advice to your regularly scheduled pharmasist, if you want to be sure. :)

    hope this helps a bit. Nothing worse than laying there NOT being able to get to sleep and knowing you have a full day of school/ homework ahead.

  2. Being a student was really hard for my OCD. My OCD likes routine and the same schedule (for the most part) everyday. My sleep was so messed up when I was a student.

    Ha! I know, spell check hates OCD, doesn't it :-)