The depression is making a passionate reappearence. Appearently, accepting monetary help from my parents has highly irritated it. And the whole, do I get a laptop for my sign language class or is that a terrible sin question, that's gotten some points in, too. I finally decided on the "go ahead and get it" side, which is monetarily disturbing, but might make it considerably more possible to pass the class. I hoped that deciding would stop the anxiety, but no, it continues.
It would seem that I have made some mistake, that or the meds aren't working as well as I'd hoped. I'm guessing a mistake was made, regardless of the efficacy of the meds. I'm guessing it involved taking more than two classes this semester. I'm not sure what to do now. Do I drop the extra class? I've got a few more days to consider that. Maybe that would work. Maybe not. Who knows? Decide? Make another decision? Just existing is enough work, don't you think? Can't I just go back to hybernating in my house with a book in front of my nose? At least once I'm into the book, my brain shuts up for a bit.
I hate this feeling. Depression is nasty.
The OCD is more amusing (nasty underneath, but let's stick with the amusing side for the moment). I have an essay to turn in tonight. The OCD, if not present in the perfectionism and procrastination, makes its appearance by the first paragraph. I like to start one page essays by restating the question and then stating my response. Restating is the first problem. We must use words that definately don't "plaigerize" the question (never mind that the teacher knows what the question was, so it wouldn't be a secretive copy anyway). But the words should be close enough so as not to change the meaning. But is that plaigerism, too? Um, I'm gonna say it isn't. I'm pretty sure the non-OCD part of my brain is pretty unconcerned about the whole issue.
Well, that's that. I don't feel good, but hey, what can I do about that? Exercise? Get with people (no! No, no, no. I want to read my book. Don't tell me that is isolating. I don't care! No, I do care! But its just too hard to get out with people. It doesn't seem worth it. I'm writing on my blog, doesn't that count?) Blah, blah, blah. I think I'll go back to that essay and finish it up.