I learned something today. I learned that apparently, people don't scrap book about funerals or memorial services. And if they do, they don't get to put stickers of pretty angels in sparkling white on their pages. Unless maybe those are only in bigger cities or something. Because I couldn't find any angel stickers in white with sparkles. Actually, I didn't find any angel stickers. I still have some Christmas angel stickers from last year... I'll check into those. And I finally settled with buying Christmas cards with angels on them, with the plan to cut the angels out and add sparkles.
I realize that the biblical accuracy of this angel picture in my mind is questionable. But I don't really care. I want to think of angel people in white - with sparkles, because I like sparkles, and I think heaven has sparkles - I want to think of these angel people holding my toddler student, carrying him up to heaven - well, I guess that would have already happened if my scenario is at all accurate - and bringing him to Jesus.
I want for it somehow to be all better. For there to be sunlight and sparkles and safety. And love that doesn't just dead-end into brokenheartedness.
I want to scrap-book a few pages for the little boy. Well, really, for me. He doesn't need them. I've printed out the few pictures I had left on my phone and computer. I got some stickers relating to his life. And I'll have pages about the memorial service, too, because I can. Because that is the most recent thing of him that I have. And I don't want to loose that.
I went to see my counselor this week. And in the waiting area, what song was playing? A song from the memorial service. Go figure.
There isn't really so much to say, is there. A kid died. I'll have to work through it. That is fine. That is part of my grieving process. One of those incredibly unnerving, emotionally disturbing simple facts of life that is soooo simple and yet beyond what I can grasp.
And now to change subjects suddenly (except that now you have warning), I have plans this Sunday that are my closest yet to a real date. Actually, I think it kind of is a date, sharing characteristics of a blind date, a double date, and just visiting friends with a friend of a friend there. Only, there is no commitment beyond just meeting this person and talking this one time. I'm excited. And it is still far enough away that I'm still more excited than nervous or anxious, usually. :)