Sunday, August 5, 2012

let's not jeopardize a good day

I visited last week's church again. And with the "if you want to meet people, you need to go meet them" reminder in my mind, I actually walked up to two girls at the end of the service. It worked! I enjoyed a few minutes of talking.

And the pastor talked to me a few moments on my way out. I was considering asking my "what is your view on mental illness" questions, but I didn't actually bring them up. Then, of course, I second guessed even that decision. But I'm happy. Let's just leave things good. I don't need to hear an answer I don't want to hear and get all upset about it today (but, just in case you read this, pastor, I really do want to hear your honest answer, regardless of whether it makes me happy or sad). Now, I've left things so that I could call during the week if I wanted, or I could show up next Sunday, because I'm still hopeful about this church.

For the musical, we practiced Friday, Saturday, and we'll practice every day today through Wednesday, and open Thursday evening, completing 5 shows before the end of Sunday. My next day "off" from this musical is Monday a week from now. And I'm feeling the pressure. I guess I don't recognize it as anxiety, more as stress (which doesn't mean it's not anxiety; I think I'm not as good at recognizing anxiety compared with depression or even more specific OCD). I've dreamt something relating to it the last two nights, at least.

I did ask a couple people if the director was usually yelling at people like that (yelling would be the wrong word; more critical and telling us how we weren't doing things right, in a way that I feel put down by). They assured me it was normal, which tells me that we aren't doing the terrible, unusually lousy job I was afraid we were doing. So I'm trying to not take it too seriously and let it slide off me. In the director's favor, she also smiles and laughs about things, too. I think she really does want it to be fun, but she also wants it to be really good.

Today was the last day to register to bring something to the fair locally. So last night, I made my duct tape purse. I like it. I don't know how it will compare with other people's creations, but that's okay, right Abigail? I started reading more about what the judges would notice, and started thinking my purse wasn't "hard enough." If I can make it in two hours, (and it be my first and only duct tape purse ever) than maybe I shouldn't be entering it in the fair. But doubts aside, I've still entered it. I have to bring it in in a little over a week, I think. I still have to make the flowers, but you've seen that I've already practiced for that.

Well, I think I need to get out my list of activities to do when I'm depressed, not because I'm terribly depressed, but because I'm really stressed and I don't want to get terribly depressed. So I think I'd better pull out my depression coping tools and get a head start, hopefully heading off the worse depression before it gets to me. My other issue under consideration is that of napping. With rehearsals and then shows, I'm afraid I wont get enough sleep at night before work in the morning, so I'm considering adding in naps. But naps have both positive and negative reviews, so I'm not sure what would be best there. Anyone have any advice there?

1 comment:

  1. It sounds like you are very busy! I love naps, but if I take really looooonnng naps (more than an hour), I feel kind of dopey for a while afterwards. But I think they can be helpful in getting a little extra energy.

    Good luck with the musical! I hope you have fun.