monday without saying no

Maybe I should get better at saying no. But at the same time, I want to help cover other people's shifts when they need/want it because on occasion, I like to take a day off, too. Planning ahead might help.

Because I was looking forward to having this afternoon off. Then a coworker showed up singing the length of her to-do list that just had to be done this afternoon/evening, and my boss asked if I could stay late. So I did. But somehow, the balance of enough hours of work and too many is hard to find. Because when I work the afternoon, it doesn't mean finishing an 8 hour day. It means staying until they don't need me any more, which came to a 9 and a quarter hour day today as well as one of those last week. There was a reason I didn't say I could work every afternoon, okay? So I don't want 40 hours squished into two or three afternoons, okay? I'm holding out, so far, but I know that if my stress gets too high, my mood tends to go down, and I'm closer to that point than I'd like to be. Or, to put it simply, I didn't want to work this afternoon.

I tried for the good attitude thing, well, at least while I was there. It tends to fade after 8 hours even on a good day, though. And there is smoke in the air from some wild fire somewhere. I realize that a little smoke is nothing compared to being by the actual fire, but now my throat hurts, so either I'm getting sick, or (the more likely one, I'm thinking) my allergies - the ones I supposedly don't have, thank you allergy specialist doctor - are acting up. In conclusion, not long after work, I decided the air smelled like smoke mixed with the memory of dirty diapers (thanks to my job?). In other words, I suspect, stale smoke.

Well, I heard some rumor (more likely read it) that ranting doesn't really help get rid of anger. Not sure if it's true or not. I'm guessing sleep is the most likely solution for my anger. Maybe some silly tv show preserved on a dvd would help, too. And supper. Food can help that sort of thing, too. Ha, so see there? Three things that might help me.

As for church stuff... did I actually ask the pastor my questions at the small group? Oh, no. Instead, I did my normal, "he's a pastor and that makes him scarey" routine. Some cross between "don't even look at me" and "I wish you would talk to me." Talk about a loose-loose situation. And what brought that up? Possibly too much stress in one day. When I am less stressed, I usually do less of the "pastors are scarey" thing. Maybe small group the same day as church isn't the best. Or maybe it would be better if they weren't saying they were getting too big and might need to split but they don't want to. The pastor's wife was nice, saying, no, I was still welcome. So I'm going to believe her. I don't add any more kids to the mix, so that probably helps (this is a small group with a plentiful supply of little children, which I like, but if I had some of my own, that would add to the craziness). But anyway, now I'm tossing around the thought of calling the pastor (which is scarey, period) or putting off my questions (so they can grow into monsters before I ask them?).

Enough for the moment. A long day tomorrow, and then hopefully, if I'm asked to stay late Wednesday, I will have the courage to ask if there is another way to cover things.