Tuesday, December 4, 2012

How to make myself anxious

Oh, that's an easy topic.

Tell myself to spend more money on food and then go about preparing to do so.

Paying bills

Not paying bills

Answering questions.

Not answering questions.

Getting mail (particularly if the mail has to do with money).

(Not getting mail usually just makes me a tiny bit sad, not anxious. :D  )

Answering questions like what I might like for Christmas. And now, since it is possible that the person who asked will read this, please let me elaborate. I don't mind the question. Actually, sometimes it is nice, because it lets me ask for things that I haven't been able to justify buying for myself but that I'd really like. I just worry that I'll ask for the wrong thing, for something too expensive, for not what I really want, for someone to feel like they HAD to get me what I suggest, when really I just want them to take it as an idea they can like or turn aside. But rest assured, if I wasn't worrying about this, there would be some other anxiety coming my way. It comes with the territory of having an anxiety disorder.

Okay, now I'm tired of that topic. Or am I?

Now I would like to discuss my most recent anxiety that I gave myself an ear infection by trying one of the exercises described in my intro to Audiology book for opening my Eustation tubes. My ear is hurting. So, vuala, why is it hurting? Do I have one of the disorders I learned about today? I mean, an ear infection is fine; just boring and somewhat painful. But what if it is harming my cochlea?! Let's see. My counselor would probably suggest a "Thought Challange" for evaluating the risk, evaluating my evidence to see if it really backs up my catestrophic fear (save yourself the trouble; just write a high level of fear at the beginning of the page and a low level of likelyhood of your fear occuring at the bottom. Then go to sleep immediately, hoping that will acheive the anxiety reduction that writing the whole paper out or thinking the whole exercise out might do). Just kidding on that short trick. That sounds like a good way to postpone sleep, which I don't want to do. Correction; I don't want to postpone sleep by starting my anxiety brain alarms. Wandering through a store and putting off my shower, those would be more attractive alternatives.

Oh, and my tongue hurts on one side. What if it is a yeast infection? (Yeah, Abigail, and what if it is? You've presumed to have had one before, and nothing terrible happened.)

Well, I think it is safe to say that my anxiety disorder has not completely left me, not that I thought it did. It's just annoying sometimes to be reminded of it. :)

On a positive note:

My Food Stamps application was accepted.

I'm ready to take my finals for both my classes this week (the deadlines aren't until next week!).

We survived the day Santa comes to visit the day care, and are free from that for another year (to put it shortly, it is a hastle. In more words, some of the kids cry when they are sat on Santa's lap. And it is stressful to try to keep a bunch of toddlers in picture-perfect shape through breakfast and snack and play until the pictures are over).

I've finished studying for the day. The day is almost done, and my duties are even closer to done. :)


  1. So many things to make us anxious! I can relate so much to that! I get anxious when answering what I'd like for Christmas, too, for the same reasons you do.

    1. Yeah. The Christmas wish list became a multi-day exposure, to my dismay. Today, I finally talked to the person, which may have been giving in to my OCD, at least the part where we talked about it and it was cleared up that she did indeed understand she didn't have to get whatever suggestions I gave. So that exposure is over, unless the OCD kicks it up a notch. :)