life continues

I think the main result so far in taking a higher dose of escitalopram is eating more. And it isn't just sugar! It is sitting in front of the TV and munching on carrots and sugar peas and more carrots and more sugar peas. Eating for the sake of eating. Of course, it could just be a coincidence, but what is the fun in that?

Either way, I need to stop eating too much pie (the carrots and peas might not be so bad).

School is going okay, as in, I'm making good progress this afternoon/evening. Almost done with my part of Group Project number 1. That might lessen my stress.

Honesty OCD had some fun with me (I didn't enjoy it so much). I stated something I was 95% sure was true. Maybe even 97%. But I don't know for 100% sure, and that isn't even because I don't believe my eyes. I stated what happened the moment I wasn't looking as if I was looking (I looked right after the instant it happened). Totally unacceptable. So then the exposure fun of "reassuring" myself that, yup, I had lied, and so-and-so would know it and look at me with her disappointed eyes because I lied to her, and so-and-so other person would dislike me from now on... And I don't believe my exposure, either. Just enough to sigh sadly, but not enough to make the anxiety go away (because apparently, in my mind, as soon as I do a real exposure thought to fight back against the OCD, the OCD should completely disappear, or at least stop bothering me). Okay, I guess still feeling anxiety with an exposure isn't so bad.

Well, now I'm hungry again. All that school work with that little bit of an anxiety-provoking exposure, along with the anxiety that my computer battery will run out before I post this... Maybe I'll eat something healthy. Like... how about graham crackers and milk! No, wait, I think I'm out of graham crackers. But that could be remadied. I have to buy a small flash-light sometime (so I can look in people's mouths for another school assignment), so why not tonight, while I buy graham crackers? But I don't want graham crackers for night snack anymore... And now I am reduced to using the internet to broadcasting my debates over what to eat for snack. :)

Comments

  1. BetsyFebruary 9, 2013 at 4:14 PM

    popcorn?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tina Fariss BarbourFebruary 9, 2013 at 6:08 PM

    Oh, honesty OCD. That's a big one for me, too. I'm sorry you had that episode.

    I'm glad your schoolwork is going well. Finishing up big assignments used to take a lot of stress off of me.

    Hope you found a delicious snack! :-)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My merry-go-round

I've been keeping a mood log since sometime last May, or maybe June. I've done it on the OpenOffice software similar to Excel. This means I can do cool stuff like make charts and graphs to see how my mood has swooped around over the last year. This last week, I found that you can also put in a trend line over your chart. This was neat, but disturbing. I used it over charts made from week averages for the last 10 or 11 months. I learned that: My depression at its best (each day, then averaged per week) is getting better. My depression at its worst (each day, then averaged per week) is getting worse. My anxiety is getting worse. My sleep time is increasing. My exercise time is decreasing. Or, in short, my worst is getting worse. So then I wonder if I'm using the same standards to judge my mood as I was using in May last year. After all, the mood ratings are subjective, done each day, or occasionally every few days. But what if anxiety that I called a 5 in May would ...
Read more

OCD meddling in my education (again)

Image
What do you know, the insert picture function thingy is working today! Hence my photo not taking over more of the blog than it should. Today, if OCD were little g gods, I would have offended the gods. Actually, I did it last night. Thank you so much, professor, for giving OCD the opportunity to knock me to my knees. I'll have you know, however, that I am making some small show of resistance. Which I will explain. This is what I did. I did the communication screen with a little kid as per the instructions. Then, looking over it at home, I thought I missed something, so proceeded to correct something to say how the child actually pronounced it, not how I forgot and left it. And then the monster pounced. Because, being an hour or so removed from the situation, I no longer knew for absolute certain how the child said that word anymore. But I had just struck through the assumed mispronounced sound. So do I go all the way a...
Read more

Sunday

Well, played guitar in church today. I only dreamt about it two nights since Wednesday when I agreed to play. And neither dream was a total disaster... Anxiety, how much you do for me. Glad that's over until I start working up to playing next Sunday, too. Two Sundays in a row. Probably good for dealing with the anxiety monster. The pastor preached on Psalm 4 today, the second half of the (very short) chapter. It included dealing with upsetting emotions. He was good about saying that having the emotions themselves wasn't the problem, but then we have to deal with it. By stopping. A good old "be still" type verse is stuck in there, along with that vague "meditate" word (but not in my version; mine used other words for about the same meaning). The pastor's paraphrase of the meditating part was to address yourself, telling yourself to "be still" etc. Anyhow, by the end of the sermon and the chapter, he was hoping that people around us would see t...
Read more