Friday, February 8, 2013

life continues

I think the main result so far in taking a higher dose of escitalopram is eating more. And it isn't just sugar! It is sitting in front of the TV and munching on carrots and sugar peas and more carrots and more sugar peas. Eating for the sake of eating. Of course, it could just be a coincidence, but what is the fun in that?

Either way, I need to stop eating too much pie (the carrots and peas might not be so bad).

School is going okay, as in, I'm making good progress this afternoon/evening. Almost done with my part of Group Project number 1. That might lessen my stress.

Honesty OCD had some fun with me (I didn't enjoy it so much). I stated something I was 95% sure was true. Maybe even 97%. But I don't know for 100% sure, and that isn't even because I don't believe my eyes. I stated what happened the moment I wasn't looking as if I was looking (I looked right after the instant it happened). Totally unacceptable. So then the exposure fun of "reassuring" myself that, yup, I had lied, and so-and-so would know it and look at me with her disappointed eyes because I lied to her, and so-and-so other person would dislike me from now on... And I don't believe my exposure, either. Just enough to sigh sadly, but not enough to make the anxiety go away (because apparently, in my mind, as soon as I do a real exposure thought to fight back against the OCD, the OCD should completely disappear, or at least stop bothering me). Okay, I guess still feeling anxiety with an exposure isn't so bad.

Well, now I'm hungry again. All that school work with that little bit of an anxiety-provoking exposure, along with the anxiety that my computer battery will run out before I post this... Maybe I'll eat something healthy. Like... how about graham crackers and milk! No, wait, I think I'm out of graham crackers. But that could be remadied. I have to buy a small flash-light sometime (so I can look in people's mouths for another school assignment), so why not tonight, while I buy graham crackers? But I don't want graham crackers for night snack anymore... And now I am reduced to using the internet to broadcasting my debates over what to eat for snack. :)

2 comments:

  1. Oh, honesty OCD. That's a big one for me, too. I'm sorry you had that episode.

    I'm glad your schoolwork is going well. Finishing up big assignments used to take a lot of stress off of me.

    Hope you found a delicious snack! :-)

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