Saturday, March 9, 2013

Distorted thinking and OCD

I was doing a little research on emotional abuse and have come to this opinion; OCD is emotionally abusive. Talk about showering someone with guilt and shame, holding unreasonable expectations, demeaning a person, manipulating, lowering their self esteem, etc. That OCD monster is really a bad character.

On to other subjects. The group project FINALLY resolved the word-for-word quoteless quoting problem, at least the areas that I recognized. Is it a superior example of research? No. It is in the grey area on taking quotes to support its theory - a number of articles had information on both sides of the issue, and were quoted on the information on the chosen side. But at least some of that as well as the word-for-word unquoted quotes were fixed. Now for the grade... But really, now for forgetting about it. I'm done, okay?

The scrupulosity issue... well, I filled out my FAFSA, which was another exposure. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. And I'm planning a written exposure (i.e., writing out my feared outcome over and over and over), hopefully for later today. Down with the OCD monster!

I stayed up late last night, which raises its own set of fears. I was deep in conversation with someone late at night, which was good, but did interrupt my sleep schedule. This rouses excellent concerns like how my life might be ruined because I didn't go to sleep early enough last night. I might feel sick. I might actually get sick, and it might be my fault. It might have been a sin to stay up so late. With the day light savings time switch tonight/tomorrow, I might be even more thrown off. It might cause trouble at work Monday. I might be extra short with kids because of not taking care of myself, which adds "sin" on top of "sin." Scrupulosity? Or is it just distorted thinking? Well, I can "name that distorted thinking pattern!" Catastrophism, a word that Spell Check still doesn't know. And then the whole attaching guilt to everything? Hyper-responsibility? I don't know. How about just Annoying? That covers it, don't you think?

And then I could go off wondering if the conversation was good or not, if the words shared are going to mess up my brain and my life... I'm thinking that might be catastrophism once again, with perhaps a little magical thinking thrown in.

The sun has come out again! Yesterday, I actually thought to myself, this is the sort of day that I like living here (a snowless blue sky day!).

I'm working on my doll house again. Carpeted the master bedroom yesterday, as well as starting work on my fake leather couches. Perfectionism thought it would drop in for a visit, but I'm thinking if it does decide to come watch me work, it had better keep it's mouth shut (and no eye rolling, either!). I have to remind myself that I'm doing this for fun and relaxation, not to be a winning fair exhibit or an exact model of a full size couch.

Well, it is 4:09 pm, clearly time for lunch (as I ate breakfast at half past noon... how unhealthy!). And I really should go walking or something under the beautiful blue sky. I can already feel that the sun is on the decline, so I shouldn't wait too long.


  1. You hit the nail on the head--OCD IS emotionally abusive. I'm glad you're done with the group project. Hope that relieves some anxiety!

    I didn't know you were working on a dollhouse. I love dollhouses, but I don't have one. Please post pictures!

    1. I do feel less anxiety with that group project done.

      I have a dollhouse my dad made me as a kid, but in the last few years, every now and then, I get inspired to work on it. I'll have to remember to take pictures.

  2. It truly is emotionally abusive! It has robbed me of much time and joy in the past and sometimes I wonder if it is worth the battle but it definitely is because my life is better now than it was even though I still have it.
    You are tackling a lot, it is so impressive. I love that you are making a dollhouse, sounds lovely and brings a smile to my face.

    1. The battle is so not fun, but I too am more free from it than I used to be. And I know more of what is going on when it attacks (as long as it isn't too strong), and that helps.

      Thanks. My dollhouse makes me smile, too.