It has been a stressful week, and I think I'm feeling it. It was a week of triumphs, but that doesn't translate into an easy week. Despite the fact that most of my tax papers and files have been returned to their places, and the fact that I got through one of my biggest intentional exposures, I'm tired. Some of it probably would be there anyway. Who knows, maybe all my tiredness would be here anyway. But maybe being so tired after such victories feels like a letdown.
I washed my dishes again today, maintaining the miracle that started last Sunday when I cleaned them all up. I cleaned half my bathroom (I usually do it in fractions), cleaned my guinea pig's cage, vacuumed, and took the garbage out. All minor miracles, emphasis on the miracles part.
But I still feel done in. Maybe like I let my stress level get too high so that the depression could sneak back in. That, of course, wasn't my goal, but seems to possibly be the result. Of course, I know that high stress usually triggers my depression. And I know that Exposure Response Prevention originally creates more stress, but should lead to a reduction of stress. And my conscious stress has indeed gone down from Tuesday. But, well, I guess I've been saying it over and over, so perhaps this will be my last time (for this post); I'm tired, perhaps with a depression twist.