Sunday, March 24, 2013

OCD is back on the academic honesty game

The sun and blue sky is so beautiful out today. Really, delightfully bright. I just finished my edited draft of my part of the research paper. It is due on Friday, and I will be relieved to have it turned in where my OCD mind can stop fretting about plagiarism. This time, I'm pretty sure it is OCD, even though it doesn't feel that different from last time. But there is a big difference. Thus far, my fellow team members (and this is a smaller group, so there are just two others) have proven to be good workers and the sort of people you want on your team.

But I started worrying even about my own writing (and why am a surprised yet again?). Check the sentence. No, recheck the sentence. No, check it one more time. For the most part my OCD leaves numbers alone, but there is something easier about stopping after the third time. Perhaps I should attack that habit. How, by checking four times? Because once I've done three, I've done three and I can't undo it. Second thought, I could. I could scramble words in my sentence so that I no longer knew if they were accidental quotes or not. Yyyyuck. I don't like that moment of identifying an exposure and then deciding not to do it right now. Too much anxiety. Ha, that might be the OCD talking again. And checking three times? How could that not be OCD with such a precision number (hey, 3 is a holy number, or I think somebody told me that once. 3 and 7 and 12 have special places in the Bible. If that isn't enough to start off some good old OCD issues, I don't know what is).

Well, despite eating what seemed like a big lunch, I am hungry again. And just perhaps I will get out to my garden and mix some dirt and decaying material around. After all, the sun is out. Then I might go inside and read the Against Depression book by Peter Kramer. Or maybe I'll listen to my last two lectures before Tuesday's test. Or paint more doll furniture. Or... something else somewhat pleasant. :)

5 comments:

  1. Ugh! I hate the academic/reading/writing OCD! I'm so sorry it's bothering you. I understand about checking something a certain number of times. It's like a rhythm almost, if that makes sense. Perhaps--just a suggestion--you could write it, then check it once for clarity and accuracy--and then not let yourself check it again?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Abigail, so sorry that academic OCD is bothering you again - this is hard because when you're in the midst of it, it feels like such a gray issue. I think you're doing really well recognizing that it IS OCD.

    So glad you are getting sun and blue sky!

    ReplyDelete
  3. So sorry this is getting you again! But, like PoetsPilgrimage said, you are doing really well to even realize this is OCD.

    It will pass.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry about the plagiarism worries, Abigail. Oh, I know those so well. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you, all. I did my proofreading today and decided not to worry about plagiarism but to trust my fellow authors (since these classmates have been trustworthy so far). Okay, now that I say that, I'm wondering if I should worry... Take the risk, take the risk, it is okay to fail an assignment...

    But when I decided not to worry about finding any plagiarism, it was much easier and more peaceful.

    ReplyDelete