Monday, April 1, 2013

Spring Cleaning

I, who put off washing dishes like the plague, have been bitten by some sort of cleaning bug. Incidentally, it hasn't helped the dishes. What a pity.

It has helped me throw out stacks and stacks of paper. Like tax papers from 5 plus years ago, that had disturbing OCD strings attached. I suppose it was a hidden compulsion. Save your papers so that if you ever need to go back and redo the tax papers you must have gotten wrong, you can. Year after year. Self torture. Well, them papers are in the garbage, with guinea pig cage-cleaning leftovers on top.

And my papers from my time in Puerto Rico? Well, it only took me almost 6 years to face that closed door in my life. (I spent three trying to reopen it, before it was shut finally, and the next 3 years amusing myself - I mean working on dealing with OCD and depression, which is amusing, but is not always pleasant, though there are nice moments). So, I got my PR papers into ONE GIANT NOTEBOOK! Plus the paintings reproduced on cards, which sit politely in their box - they didn't fit in the two inch, bulging notebook.

And my papers from high school, hence, my last post. But I didn't tell you the second act to that drama - the one that let it end happy. The second act went further back, into my stuffed "Special Saves" files. These had cards and lots of pieces of paper that triggered pleasant memories.

Like when I was little, and our back yard was "Elkton," and we made deeds. Printed out on the old printing paper with the tear-off edges that have holes in them to help feed the paper through or something like that. There were properties for the older five of us marked out in pen. And a note in red with multiple exclamation points stating that these deeds weren't FOREVER but were subject to change. The important, in obvious things that must be written on a child's deed. I ended up aborting my sort through of these happy files; I had already combined my two file boxes into one, so I just kept the rest of my happy files.

But am I content yet? No. I started to defrost my freezer, which is not separated from my dorm-sized fridge, so I only defrosted as long as I could bring myself to keep my milk sitting out, which still leaves lots of ice for next time. And I bribed myself to wash a few more dishes in the "wash the dishes so that you can go clean out that tub of miscellaneous stuff you want to sort through" way.

But, the plastic tub did not contain the birthday present I purchased for the sibling who's birthday is very, very, very near. So I don't know where I put it, which is frustrating. It might be in my car, which has not yet benefited much from my cleaning/sorting streak. Well, I want to publish this before my computer starts alarming about low battery, so that will be enough for now.

Oh, post script. I've been thinking recently about how long I'm going to lie low and fight the mental illness monsters as my main goal or one of my main goals. I think I might want to push it down to third or fourth place (still really important, but not the driving force). I think I might want to dare dream again and pursue the sort of job I dreamed of instead of settling for less. I mean, I might not find the dream job, and I might stay here, but the attitude is different. Not living in fear of the mental illness monster (though sticking to locations with mental health resources available).

3 comments:

  1. Good for you for all the spring cleaning, Abigail! I need to do the same thing.

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  2. Abigail, that's great that you want to dare to dream again! I love the hope in those words that you wrote.

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  3. I torture myself with old papers too.

    I love your last paragraph! It shows you have hope and optimism!

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