It was great to see my counselor today. I thought I was having a pretty good day, but still ended up crying during my appointment. "And this is me on a good day," I told her. But she said, "No, I've seen you on a good day, and this is not it." I guess she was right. Especially since I often don't cry during appointments.
Anyway, I also talked with my psychiatrist on the phone on Tuesday, and we have it settled so that I'll take a higher dose for part of the month and then go back to my regular SSRI dose for the rest of the month and see if that helps even out my rollercoaster.
I did show my blogged "letter" to my doctor to my therapist, and she told me to mail it to my doctor. Except that she said I should clarify the ending. Apparently when I wrote that I was running out of time (meaning my allotted time on the library computer was just about up and the computer would soon shut me off), it sounded too much like I was running out of time here on earth. Which wasn't the case. At least, no more than it is the case for every living creature on the planet. So I'll mail that, even though the one time I brought in writing to show him, he turned it down, saying he wanted to hear how I was doing directly from me. The problem is, I'm not communicating it well enough in spoken words. So hopefully he will read my writing.
I also feel like a charity case now that he has reduced his rate so much for me. I'm afraid to suggest an appointment earlier than he does, because I don't want to take advantage of his offer. But that is getting in the way of my getting my needs met - and I don't mean to sound selfish; I just mean that for my sake and the sake of people around me (perhaps with the exception of my psychiatrist, who might "loose money" on me if I see him more or take more of his time), I want to recover as much health as possible.
Anyway, my blog title is really to try and have a catchy title, too see if more people will read it (truly, that is an interesting phenomenon that I try to observe; the better titles seem to get read more), but it is also because of this; my therapist suggested that EMDR might help me, only she isn't trained in it. I've only turned down two therapists who are trained in EMDR so far. And I don't intend to go back to them. But I'm reluctantly planning to investigate the matter again.
Because I'm really frustrated. I'm nearing the third year mark with therapy, and I want to have gotten further. I'm a little afraid that I've gotten stuck in a rut with my current therapist, who I trust lots, who understands me pretty well, and who is pretty good with OCD and exposure response prevention.
Anyway, she said I could think of it as adding a therapist instead of switching therapists. I don't have to stop seeing her. I could see her in the middle, or call, or go back to seeing her afterwards.
Anyway, once again I'm running out of time (on this computer reservation at the library before the computer shuts down on me), so I need to wrap up: Do any of you have experience with EMDR, either positive or negative or neutral? Anything? Or any other type of therapy other than cognitive and behavioral? Thanks in advance for any input.