self-fulfilling prophecies

I've thought of something else to worry about; self-fulfilling prophecies. I'm worried that my medication will affect me negatively. Maybe that is a self-fulfilling worry. I'm worried that I won't be able to work full time. What a great thought to self-fulfill (YES I'm being sarcastic.)

It seems like a most important skill is that of not overvaluing thoughts.

I recently realized (thank God) that I'd thought myself into a dark corner, but I'd done this before and gotten out again. That was enough to get me out of the dark corner. Dark corner type thoughts don't just disappear, though. The anxiety builds and another pops into my head, but it's just a dark corner thought, so for the moment I keep going with life. As in, so I might get really anxious, but the depression isn't winning.

Basically, most of life becomes a pseudolifeanddeath question. I'm asking a question of a college and "about to die" - I love OCD or whatever brings me these thoughts (not). Logically, how is asking a question of a college admissions person so dangerous? I don't know. I know I won't actually die. I'd like to take a class next semester, but am not sure how to pay for it. And I'm running late. Oh, well. I suspect I will delay classes until the summer.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I miss my blog

 Well, 4+ years later, and I still have the OCD/Anxiety/Depression combo. I take more psych meds than ever. I've been hospitalized twice, tried TMS, and been enrolled in two Intensive Outpatient Programs, one of which made me slightly in favor of DBT and the second, which turned me off, even though that was mostly due to one person mishandling a situation. I'm currently attending the online International OCD Foundation conference. I did in 2020, too. I don't know if I'm more agitated now, or more aware of my agitation. I like to color while listening to presentations, or even organize my house - I don't like that so much as I tend to like the results. I am a dedicated fidget-er. My Executive Function is more obviously an issue to me now. I did start a medication a couple months before I noticed it more, but the sleep doctor who prescribed it brushed off my concerns, saying people like to take it to help them study. Maybe sleep doctors aren't as aware as the psyc
Read more

My merry-go-round

I've been keeping a mood log since sometime last May, or maybe June. I've done it on the OpenOffice software similar to Excel. This means I can do cool stuff like make charts and graphs to see how my mood has swooped around over the last year. This last week, I found that you can also put in a trend line over your chart. This was neat, but disturbing. I used it over charts made from week averages for the last 10 or 11 months. I learned that: My depression at its best (each day, then averaged per week) is getting better. My depression at its worst (each day, then averaged per week) is getting worse. My anxiety is getting worse. My sleep time is increasing. My exercise time is decreasing. Or, in short, my worst is getting worse. So then I wonder if I'm using the same standards to judge my mood as I was using in May last year. After all, the mood ratings are subjective, done each day, or occasionally every few days. But what if anxiety that I called a 5 in May would be
Read more

An unseen illness

Well, to continue a train of thought started at 71 and Sunny 's blog, lots of my OCD has been, well, invisible. Every now and then, I'd spout off an imitation of my brain's on-going monologue, and either be regarded as worrying about stupid things or be regarded with a bit more respect. My brain jumped topics pretty well, too. I'm not sure if that is typical with OCD, but it usually was with mine. Like while driving. "I wonder if I offended so-and-so last night in our conversation. Oops, I went over a bump. Was it a bump, or a person? Check mirror. Looks like nothing, but maybe there was a person lying in the depression in the road. Well, probably not too realistic. But wait; I wasn't paying attention for the last moment. Better check the mirror again. Rats, checking the mirror meant I didn't pay perfect attention in front of me. Quick, check it again. No, don't look that long, now you have to look again. This is not going to work. Look further ahead,
Read more