Today, the frustration grew enough that I called the doctor, and the doctor said, No more monkeys jumping on the bed! Not. Not the monkey part that is. Medication dosage change and a few days to feel better without paying for another office visit. Aw, that's nice. And the nurse said, he said it would be appropriate for you to go home from work today. Grrrrr. I mean, so I was a little absentminded at work. And felt almost shakey. And in a place that I don't care to stay emotionally, but really, that's enough to go home from work? Ah, learning to rest. What a job. So I spent some time with friends. Which really helped. So now I'm hoping to work tomorrow and to be feeling better in a few days.
My merry-go-round
I've been keeping a mood log since sometime last May, or maybe June. I've done it on the OpenOffice software similar to Excel. This means I can do cool stuff like make charts and graphs to see how my mood has swooped around over the last year. This last week, I found that you can also put in a trend line over your chart. This was neat, but disturbing. I used it over charts made from week averages for the last 10 or 11 months. I learned that: My depression at its best (each day, then averaged per week) is getting better. My depression at its worst (each day, then averaged per week) is getting worse. My anxiety is getting worse. My sleep time is increasing. My exercise time is decreasing. Or, in short, my worst is getting worse. So then I wonder if I'm using the same standards to judge my mood as I was using in May last year. After all, the mood ratings are subjective, done each day, or occasionally every few days. But what if anxiety that I called a 5 in May would ...
I used to "work at relaxing"--it was very difficult for me. I'm glad you spent time with friends--that can be very renewing.
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