superpowers

So, yeah, when it is so hard to start my day in the morning, I like to pretend I'm superwoman with superpowers. Only my super powers are things like the ability to get up in the morning and the ability to take a shower, and the ability to keep going, and the ability to... whatever. The stupid stuff normal life is made of. Or the not-so-stupid enduring whatever my brain is doing and keeping going with life while I wait for the "right" medication. Doctors changed the one I take before bed. Supposed to help me sleep and with the obsessive depressive thoughts. Okay, so I didn't actually sleep the whole night through, but I was more relaxed. I think that counts as improvement. And now today I am sleepy. The moral of the story is, if I'm in my zomby/sleepy depressed mood then I want to be awake etc., but if I'm in my anxious/energetic depressed mood then I wish I was back in the zomby just-let-me-sleep-and-sleep-and-sleep mood (and dispite the mood, my ability to actually sleep is limmited to a 7 - 9 hr night, or maybe 10).

Good things. The sun is shining (it is a traitor to my mood, but I guess we can be thankful anyway). I went on a hike this morning, so I don't have to excersize until tomorrow. I like word searches. Enough that I keep the book in my purse. Okay, so that sounds a bit compulsive. Lest my thoughts overwhelm me, I keep a word search book nearbye to help my brain relax. No, we'll call that smart planning, not a compulsion. :)

This weekend I'm trying to give my superpowers a break (without staying in bed all weekend). The superpowers where giving out and I think I'll need them Monday to get to work. But I'm still moving. On the hike this morning, at the end, I would pick a spot on the road, walk to it, commend myself for the success, and pick another spot. That's kind of like life now. Each hour is a success in itself. If I look at it that way, I can keep rejoicing and commending myself.

Comments

  1. Fellow OCD SuffererOctober 16, 2010 at 9:20 PM

    I like you're superhero strategy! It seems to add a touch of humor to a situation that can be hard to get through! And that's always something that helps me. Imagining myself as some sort of ridiculous superhero who awes the world with her anti-climactic ability to do things like...wait for it...brush her teeth and shower, and maybe, yes!, take out the trash (amazing! incredible!)...makes me smile...literally...you made me smile and want to do things that I didn't want to do just a little bit more. Thank you for that (and for bringing out the ridiculous nerd inside me)!

    I also find the strategy of making small goals, working towards them, and then commending myself before doing the same thing again, very helpful. On those days where it seems hard to just get out of bed, it helps me to set small goals, complete those, and then add on. Thinking about all that needs to be done is sometimes just too overwhelming! Breaking it down into smaller pieces is always helpful for me.

    Hope the meds are treating better and that you find a regimen that works for you soon! Take care!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I miss my blog

 Well, 4+ years later, and I still have the OCD/Anxiety/Depression combo. I take more psych meds than ever. I've been hospitalized twice, tried TMS, and been enrolled in two Intensive Outpatient Programs, one of which made me slightly in favor of DBT and the second, which turned me off, even though that was mostly due to one person mishandling a situation. I'm currently attending the online International OCD Foundation conference. I did in 2020, too. I don't know if I'm more agitated now, or more aware of my agitation. I like to color while listening to presentations, or even organize my house - I don't like that so much as I tend to like the results. I am a dedicated fidget-er. My Executive Function is more obviously an issue to me now. I did start a medication a couple months before I noticed it more, but the sleep doctor who prescribed it brushed off my concerns, saying people like to take it to help them study. Maybe sleep doctors aren't as aware as the psyc
Read more

My merry-go-round

I've been keeping a mood log since sometime last May, or maybe June. I've done it on the OpenOffice software similar to Excel. This means I can do cool stuff like make charts and graphs to see how my mood has swooped around over the last year. This last week, I found that you can also put in a trend line over your chart. This was neat, but disturbing. I used it over charts made from week averages for the last 10 or 11 months. I learned that: My depression at its best (each day, then averaged per week) is getting better. My depression at its worst (each day, then averaged per week) is getting worse. My anxiety is getting worse. My sleep time is increasing. My exercise time is decreasing. Or, in short, my worst is getting worse. So then I wonder if I'm using the same standards to judge my mood as I was using in May last year. After all, the mood ratings are subjective, done each day, or occasionally every few days. But what if anxiety that I called a 5 in May would be
Read more

An unseen illness

Well, to continue a train of thought started at 71 and Sunny 's blog, lots of my OCD has been, well, invisible. Every now and then, I'd spout off an imitation of my brain's on-going monologue, and either be regarded as worrying about stupid things or be regarded with a bit more respect. My brain jumped topics pretty well, too. I'm not sure if that is typical with OCD, but it usually was with mine. Like while driving. "I wonder if I offended so-and-so last night in our conversation. Oops, I went over a bump. Was it a bump, or a person? Check mirror. Looks like nothing, but maybe there was a person lying in the depression in the road. Well, probably not too realistic. But wait; I wasn't paying attention for the last moment. Better check the mirror again. Rats, checking the mirror meant I didn't pay perfect attention in front of me. Quick, check it again. No, don't look that long, now you have to look again. This is not going to work. Look further ahead,
Read more