Saturday, October 16, 2010

superpowers

So, yeah, when it is so hard to start my day in the morning, I like to pretend I'm superwoman with superpowers. Only my super powers are things like the ability to get up in the morning and the ability to take a shower, and the ability to keep going, and the ability to... whatever. The stupid stuff normal life is made of. Or the not-so-stupid enduring whatever my brain is doing and keeping going with life while I wait for the "right" medication. Doctors changed the one I take before bed. Supposed to help me sleep and with the obsessive depressive thoughts. Okay, so I didn't actually sleep the whole night through, but I was more relaxed. I think that counts as improvement. And now today I am sleepy. The moral of the story is, if I'm in my zomby/sleepy depressed mood then I want to be awake etc., but if I'm in my anxious/energetic depressed mood then I wish I was back in the zomby just-let-me-sleep-and-sleep-and-sleep mood (and dispite the mood, my ability to actually sleep is limmited to a 7 - 9 hr night, or maybe 10).

Good things. The sun is shining (it is a traitor to my mood, but I guess we can be thankful anyway). I went on a hike this morning, so I don't have to excersize until tomorrow. I like word searches. Enough that I keep the book in my purse. Okay, so that sounds a bit compulsive. Lest my thoughts overwhelm me, I keep a word search book nearbye to help my brain relax. No, we'll call that smart planning, not a compulsion. :)

This weekend I'm trying to give my superpowers a break (without staying in bed all weekend). The superpowers where giving out and I think I'll need them Monday to get to work. But I'm still moving. On the hike this morning, at the end, I would pick a spot on the road, walk to it, commend myself for the success, and pick another spot. That's kind of like life now. Each hour is a success in itself. If I look at it that way, I can keep rejoicing and commending myself.

2 comments:

  1. I like you're superhero strategy! It seems to add a touch of humor to a situation that can be hard to get through! And that's always something that helps me. Imagining myself as some sort of ridiculous superhero who awes the world with her anti-climactic ability to do things like...wait for it...brush her teeth and shower, and maybe, yes!, take out the trash (amazing! incredible!)...makes me smile...literally...you made me smile and want to do things that I didn't want to do just a little bit more. Thank you for that (and for bringing out the ridiculous nerd inside me)!

    I also find the strategy of making small goals, working towards them, and then commending myself before doing the same thing again, very helpful. On those days where it seems hard to just get out of bed, it helps me to set small goals, complete those, and then add on. Thinking about all that needs to be done is sometimes just too overwhelming! Breaking it down into smaller pieces is always helpful for me.

    Hope the meds are treating better and that you find a regimen that works for you soon! Take care!

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