So, yeah, when it is so hard to start my day in the morning, I like to pretend I'm superwoman with superpowers. Only my super powers are things like the ability to get up in the morning and the ability to take a shower, and the ability to keep going, and the ability to... whatever. The stupid stuff normal life is made of. Or the not-so-stupid enduring whatever my brain is doing and keeping going with life while I wait for the "right" medication. Doctors changed the one I take before bed. Supposed to help me sleep and with the obsessive depressive thoughts. Okay, so I didn't actually sleep the whole night through, but I was more relaxed. I think that counts as improvement. And now today I am sleepy. The moral of the story is, if I'm in my zomby/sleepy depressed mood then I want to be awake etc., but if I'm in my anxious/energetic depressed mood then I wish I was back in the zomby just-let-me-sleep-and-sleep-and-sleep mood (and dispite the mood, my ability to actually sleep is limmited to a 7 - 9 hr night, or maybe 10).
Good things. The sun is shining (it is a traitor to my mood, but I guess we can be thankful anyway). I went on a hike this morning, so I don't have to excersize until tomorrow. I like word searches. Enough that I keep the book in my purse. Okay, so that sounds a bit compulsive. Lest my thoughts overwhelm me, I keep a word search book nearbye to help my brain relax. No, we'll call that smart planning, not a compulsion. :)
This weekend I'm trying to give my superpowers a break (without staying in bed all weekend). The superpowers where giving out and I think I'll need them Monday to get to work. But I'm still moving. On the hike this morning, at the end, I would pick a spot on the road, walk to it, commend myself for the success, and pick another spot. That's kind of like life now. Each hour is a success in itself. If I look at it that way, I can keep rejoicing and commending myself.