So yesterday after finishing my time using the library internet, I had a meltdown in my car. I wasn't working. I didn't want to eat. There's some Bible verse about not working and not eating. Why was I so foolish as to take the rest of the week off work? I was doomed.
But talking to my sister last evening, I was able to look at it a little more positively; maybe this would help me to learn that my value wasn't all tied up in the job I did. If I could learn that, that should help with my depression.
And later last evening, I went to a Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance support group meeting. The first one I went to left me feeling more desperate, but I enjoyed this one. I'm starting to get to know people. And we can talk and laugh about other things, not just discuss mental illness. I like going to this and to the NAMI Connections support group because I feel like I don't have to pretend to be someone else. I can be me, depressed and discouraged. I can move my hands and feet with restless nervous energy and not worry about it. I can be one of a group of people dealing with mental illness. Kind of like being one of a group of people who blog about OCD. :) Not alone.
And then today, amazingly enough, I felt better. This morning I slept in and then got myself to eat breakfast. Then I was allowed to crawl back in bed to read a fiction book because it was on my list of things to do today. I finished it! Finished a fiction book that wasn't short! Yay for my growing attention span!
Then I excersized. Another thing checked off. And then I was for sure feeling happier, BUT I did not have an appetite for lunch. Then I thought to myself, this is how I usually get stuck back in depression; I think my feeling better should cover more than it actually does, get frustrated and upset, and return to my previous depressed low for a few more days. So today I tried to not be conserned that I wasn't hungry for lunch (and ate anyway). Instead I appreciated that I cleaned out the oven so I could bake corn bread muffins and that I actually baked corn bread muffins for the first time in a while. I read a magazine and got through lunch and made two scarey phone calls and started cleaning my room... (good progress on my list). And now I'm at the library. :) Writing, which was also on my list. I was planning to write on my story, but I think this counts, too.
So now I'm not nearly so upset (for the moment) that I took some days off work. If that's what helps me get better, I am SO willing to try it.
And I was maybe going to switch to a nearer, cheaper counselor, but she recommended I stick with my gut feeling, which leaves me with the counselor I like whome I'm already seeing. So now I can stop worrying about changing counselors for the moment. :)