Sunday, November 13, 2011

disconnected

Friday night, I stayed up late, eating dinner with my family and a friend after 9 in the evening. It was exciting in that it's the latest I've been out socializing in a long time, but the after effects weren't quite so nice. Saturday, I slept until 12:23 early afternoon. This wouldn't be so sad except that it starts to get dark before 4pm. Too little sunshine. But I made it through Saturday okay. Then came Sunday. I, not surprisingly, slept in, missing Sunday school. I did manage to get to church on time, but I'd call that a miracle. I dislike these moods. I suppose I've had them most of my life, but being aware of my mood now, they are annoying. What would I call it? Feeling at odds with the world?

It is interesting to realize that I've been effectively cutting myself off from people, slowly and steadily. Not completely, but still, it's been happening. When I go to the gym to exercise, I sometimes work hard to avoid contact with people I know because I'm afraid to talk to them. I just want to exercise and get out, not have an awkward social moment. And so my fear cuts me off in one more area of my life.

I keep convincing myself that I'm getting better (maybe I am), and then when I see the evidence of depression, I'm like, "what is this doing here? I'm not depressed, so why do I have that symptom?"

3 comments:

  1. It's all so frustrating, isn't it? I some of those issues as well where I cut people off and just want to hide from the world.

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  2. HI, I tried to comment yesterday but it wooshed away into the ether, so i will try again today.

    One of my fav books is The Blue Castle, by LM Montgomery, of Anne of Green Gables fame. It's about a woman who goes off to live on an island to get away from all her nosy, intrusive family and gossipping neighbours. I, too, wish i could live apart on an island sometimes.:)

    Could it be that all the energy you are expending both for ocd and for overcoming your depression are making you tired?
    Have you looked at information about whether you are an introvert or an extrovert? INtroverts are not necessarily shy people. They replenish themselves and gain energy from being on their own, esp. after doing some very people-oriented activity like a party.

    Extroverted people, OTOH, are those who replenish themselves by talking with others.

    It is a very interesting topic and helped me see which of my behaviors were 'introverted' and which are because i AM shy and need some social practice.

    If you are interested here are a few sites to get you started:

    http://hiddengiftsoftheintrovertedchild.com/being-an-introvert

    http://l-pawlik-kienlen.suite101.com/the-introvert-a13661

    http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/introvert.htm

    http://jerrybrito.org/post/6114304704/top-ten-myths-about-introverts

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  3. Karin, I know I'm an introvert, but I haven't been able to seperate out the introvertness from anxiety issues. Thanks for the links.

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