Thursday, October 11, 2012

discussing depression symptoms

I don't think voting was made for people with OCD. No perfect choice. Candidate A has these good points, these disagreed with points, and these concerning indications. Candidate B has those good points, those disagreed with points, and those concerning indications. Thus, voting means I will probably make a mistake even while I choose someone doing some good things. Rats.

Now for the topic I planned; Depression or Not? Because my counselor challenged my thoughts.

I thought, feeling that disconnected feeling from normal life, that was evidence of depression. However, on Sunday, it kindly left me for the moment after I took a long nap.

"What if you were just tired?" she asks me.

"I would be tired because I'm depressed."

"What if you were tired because you didn't sleep well. You woke up in the middle of the night and then forgot about it?"

"If I don't sleep well, it is because I'm depressed.

But she got me thinking. What if I just plain had a bad night? No, make that a string of bad nights for the past week or more. Sounding like depression to me. But what if it isn't? (Then so what, depression is my scape goat to blame, okay?)

When she first started challenging me, she talked about how I was very observant of my own symptoms, very sensitive, very in-tune. You've probably heard the words. And I thought, please don't tell me to be less aware of myself. Because that would be pretty hard to do. "Okay, self, stop noticing how you are feeling." Well, actually, some of that probably wouldn't be a bad idea. Because it can be exhausting to think, "Oh, no, I'm feeling worse now. I'm feeling more worse now. Oh, sigh-of-relief, I'm feeling normal now. Oh, bother, I feel not quite right. I think I'm hungry. Yes, that could be it. Bother that negative thought. You really had to show up now? I'm too hungry now. I'd better eat fast. Oh, now I"m tired. But I don't want to go to bed..."

Hmmm, some of it sounds helpful, though, because I am connecting some feelings with hunger or tiredness or stress or whatever. That isn't all dooms-day depression predictions.

Well, now I feel tired, and I still haven't listened to my lecture for one of my classes like I planned to. So I'll close for now.

4 comments:

  1. Abigail, you have captured with your word exactly how I feel sometimes--when I'm trying to understand if I'm depressed or just tired or stressed with a tiredness/stress that has no connection to depression. I tend to be hyper-sensitive to how I feel, and that sometimes seems to be a mixed blessing.

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    1. Thanks, Tina. It encourages me when I can write in a way that expresses something felt by more people than just me.

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  2. I have the same problem with voting, Abigail. It overwhelms me to even think of choosing the "right" one.

    I am also hypersensitive to how I feel and like Tina said, it's a mixed blessing.

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  3. This are clear depression symptoms, everyone that facing depression feels like you. And don't worry, you are not alone.

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