Friday, August 26, 2011

One for me, one for OCD

According to my counselor, my ocd will continue to pop up at different times, regardless of the state of my depression. I just have to exposure it back into place. So far, that's true. At least with the depression. Handwashing - suddenly the maybe-not-clean-should-wash-now state returns. It must be fooling me, because I let myself wash my hands. And another area, but I'm not willing to give that one back to ocd, so exposures have been lived through. I guess the moral of that story is I've learned more about dealing with ocd, and I have room to improve. But the germs... :).

Maybe someone is allergic to the coating of my antidepressant medication, which I touched. So if I go to a picnic without washing my hands, maybe I'll touch their food with the exact spot on my hands that has(?) residue from the coating of the medication, and then they will die. You know, peanut allergy type allergy, except it should probably be a little faster, because even a peanut allergy case might not be fatal since we're in the city with help near bye. Okay, so when I write it out, it becomes more obvious the chances of my fear occuring are very small. First, that the coating leaves residue on my hands. Oh, maybe 10%. Then, the coating is still there after I drive there but will come off onto food. Okay, that could be 1%. Then that someone with a severe allergy would happen to pick up just the right piece... Ah, the OCD fooled me again. That's gotta be a very very small chance. But I thought it was compelling justification to wash my hands.

The depression is being it's usual annoying self. One day I'm in tears, another day I don't care in the morning and cry at counseling. Another day, well, I've just got other things to do. But I'm tired. Because 8 1/2 hours of sleep just isn't enough.

Tonight, I'm planning to take it easy. Spoil myself. For now, I have just over two hours before I go back to work for the second part of my day, which should be shorter than the first, so I'm okay with that.

1 comment:

  1. All I can say is, I hear ya. I hear ya.

    These are some of my typical thoughts as well (about someone being allergic to the residue of an anti-depressant med).

    And the depression is really hard, isn't it? I have had that a lot this summer and I feel like I'm finally coming out of it-- this time that is...for, who knows when it will rear its ugly head again.

    Lady Delphinium-