Friday, September 30, 2011

I've continued doing better, except for the time when my depression made a fine showing last night. Kind of reminds me that I'm actually not okay, even though I can sometimes cover over the worst of the depression and have a somewhat good mood.

I hate feeling so deep in depression. I sometimes dislike pitying looks. I sometimes dislike advise. I like sharing, but find it hard to share. Questions are easier, but I don't have questions (except for the psych dr. and my therapist). It's just a painful reality. Really, I like it when people are there for me. When they spend time with me. They might not know that that is what I want. Maybe they think they should fix it (despite the facts that my therapist and psych. dr. have not been able to "fix it" despite their professional positions). But I know there isn't any answer right now. Sure, an answer would be nice, but so would winning a million dollars (actually, I don't think that would be so nice). So I'm grateful for people who have talked to me and listened to me and just "been there" for me.

And I think that's about all. I have a headache (need more than 9 hours of sleep again, apparently). I have homework. I have a movie to watch tonight. Maybe it will be scary. Maybe not. Maybe it will trigger more depression. Maybe it will trigger laughter. Who knows.

And I have a quiet weekend planned, no working at camp this time. I had enough trouble working my normal job this week. So on to homework, painting, and exercise. I'm painting Christmas gifts, since I needed something to paint.

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly what you mean about the depression.

    I really admire how you keep to your exercise program!