perky


I found an apartment. As long as nothing goes wrong with them accepting my application, it should work out! It's a studio apartment with a kitchenette that would fit in a closet – that practically is in a closet. The refridgerator will... not win any awards size-wise unless it is a contest on loosing weight. And I will have an excuse for not using the oven or stove – since there isn't one. That could be a little tricky. I'm looking into an electric skillet or something for those rare days when I actually decide to cook something outside of the microwave or bread toaster. I keep hoping that some day I will … eat more healthily? But I'm very not into cooking, so that is a complicated goal.

I've been in this perky mood lately, and it just keeps going. Maybe this is what it is like not to be depressed. I still have moments, but now it is moments of depressed thinking and hours of this strange, perky mood. It is almost scarey, even!

However, I have not yet started into my summer class (the one I can take a whole year on if I choose to). I think that the combination of no school (especially after an overwhelming semester) and maybe the medication and therapy and all is working out in my benefit. I hope it lasts when I start studying again.

I have even thought that I could potentially cut back to counseling every other week! I hoped for but at the same time couldn't imagine such a state, and now, I just might be in it. I have decided to wait a month or so before trying to cut down on any supports right now, though, including counseling. And the Seroquel that I wish I wasn't on? I think I'd better keep it for several months after reaching a steady, non-depressed state. And even then, I might still need to take it. I'm choosing to be okay with that.

Anyway, I'm almost scared to say how well I'm doing, because I know it might not last. I don't want people to conclude that I'm all better now and I won't need any help anymore. Of course, come to think of it, even “healthy” people need help. But anyway, I'm hoping this better mood lasts, but I wouldn't want to promise that it would. :)

Comments

  1. ElizaMay 13, 2012 at 2:28 AM

    I'm glad you're doing well and have an apartment!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tina Fariss BarbourMay 13, 2012 at 8:19 PM

    Abigail, I have the same thoughts, sometimes. Feeling better seems almost too good to be true, and I fear that if I talk about it too much, it will go away.

    Just enjoy it. I'm glad you're feeling perky, and I'm glad you found an apartment!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My merry-go-round

I've been keeping a mood log since sometime last May, or maybe June. I've done it on the OpenOffice software similar to Excel. This means I can do cool stuff like make charts and graphs to see how my mood has swooped around over the last year. This last week, I found that you can also put in a trend line over your chart. This was neat, but disturbing. I used it over charts made from week averages for the last 10 or 11 months. I learned that: My depression at its best (each day, then averaged per week) is getting better. My depression at its worst (each day, then averaged per week) is getting worse. My anxiety is getting worse. My sleep time is increasing. My exercise time is decreasing. Or, in short, my worst is getting worse. So then I wonder if I'm using the same standards to judge my mood as I was using in May last year. After all, the mood ratings are subjective, done each day, or occasionally every few days. But what if anxiety that I called a 5 in May would ...
Read more

OCD meddling in my education (again)

Image
What do you know, the insert picture function thingy is working today! Hence my photo not taking over more of the blog than it should. Today, if OCD were little g gods, I would have offended the gods. Actually, I did it last night. Thank you so much, professor, for giving OCD the opportunity to knock me to my knees. I'll have you know, however, that I am making some small show of resistance. Which I will explain. This is what I did. I did the communication screen with a little kid as per the instructions. Then, looking over it at home, I thought I missed something, so proceeded to correct something to say how the child actually pronounced it, not how I forgot and left it. And then the monster pounced. Because, being an hour or so removed from the situation, I no longer knew for absolute certain how the child said that word anymore. But I had just struck through the assumed mispronounced sound. So do I go all the way a...
Read more

Sunday

Well, played guitar in church today. I only dreamt about it two nights since Wednesday when I agreed to play. And neither dream was a total disaster... Anxiety, how much you do for me. Glad that's over until I start working up to playing next Sunday, too. Two Sundays in a row. Probably good for dealing with the anxiety monster. The pastor preached on Psalm 4 today, the second half of the (very short) chapter. It included dealing with upsetting emotions. He was good about saying that having the emotions themselves wasn't the problem, but then we have to deal with it. By stopping. A good old "be still" type verse is stuck in there, along with that vague "meditate" word (but not in my version; mine used other words for about the same meaning). The pastor's paraphrase of the meditating part was to address yourself, telling yourself to "be still" etc. Anyhow, by the end of the sermon and the chapter, he was hoping that people around us would see t...
Read more