Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Well, my spring semester has started. And I have embraced the anxiety of choosing to work in a group for the research paper instead of going it alone. This is more risky in that there is a possibility of failure that isn't fully in my control. You kind of have to trust the people in your group. But it could also be really good. So I might regret this decision, but I just might really like it. We'll see.

I did have Sunday lunch with my pastor and his family, and it was actually pleasant. More than pleasant, I suppose, since I was having a depressed day to that point, but while I was at their house, the really depressed thoughts gave me a break.

Over all, Friday through Monday was rough, but I'm doing better right now, in the middle of the week. This seems to be a pattern for me.

I got to see my counselor today. I found out she won't be there next week, which brought on the initial fear of going it alone, but was eventually replaced by hoping it will go well and relief not to have to pay for that week. :)

I almost asked her for reassurance that I was spending my money well, despite being in debt, but then I stopped myself. And then, I told her I stopped myself from trying to get reassurance. And then, she straight out gave the encouragement that I really wanted. She said she thinks that my guilt about "wasting money" is largely OCD. I guess she wants me to fight that guilt. So did she give me reassurance, or encouragement? I guess it doesn't matter. And I'm encouraged anyway, so if it was reassurance, it is at least working for more than 15 seconds. :)

I'm trying to get myself to not spend forever on the computer this evening, so I guess I'd better take off. Happy mid-week, everyone!

8 comments:

  1. Glad you are pushing through!! And as much as I have social phobias, I find being around people helps me not think on all my stuff so much and makes me feel better too.

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, I find that time around people is very important to my feeling healthy (though time alone is also pretty important; I kind of need both).

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  2. I hope the group work goes well! I've never liked working in groups - like you say, too much you can't control.

    Glad the time with your counselor was good, and it sounds like what you needed to hear and what you wanted to hear were the same thing - love it when that happens!

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    1. Thanks!

      Agreed; it is great when "what you needed to hear and what you wanted to hear were the same thing."

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  3. Good for you for pushing out of your comfort zone! I'm like you and poetspilgrimage--I didn't particularly like working in groups. But I think it was good for me overall.

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    1. Thanks! I think I've found that non-graded group exercises can be irritating (Spanish, my table would speed through the assignment and then talk about something else), but I think my graded assignments all turned out quite well. And they weren't as hard as doing it alone would have been (except for the stress of coordinating parts).

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  4. Good for you for doing the group project! I used to hate them too for the exact same reasons. I think it is awesome that you are doing it though. There are definitely more important things than getting an A and you're working on them!! Very proud of you!

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    1. Thanks! It is an ongoing learning experience for me to remember that getting an A isn't as important as I think it is.

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