Sunday, July 10, 2011

Two steps forward, three steps back

You guessed right; I'm not in the happiest mood today. I cried in the church parking lot (in my car), which I haven't done for a little while. But I had a solid plan for after church, and I knew it. So after a few more tearful moments that kept trying to interfere with my driving, I got home and I... ate lunch! That is a really good thing. I thought I might have to just eat a snack and take my lunch to eat later when I was better distracted. But no, I was able to eat lunch. (I like bagels frozen anyway). Later today, I plan to listen to music and knit. I picked up my knitting again last night. It really seems to have a relaxing effect (until I get tense about my knitting, but that's still beter than other thoughts). So, I'm good for another 3 hours. Maybe after that, my brain will settle down. I just hate bad days after good days.

Mr. Psychiatrist and I talked on the phone for a moment on Thursday. He said sinus infections could lower one's mood, "just think of that big infection in your head by your brain." Hmmm. Somehow I thought my sinus infections were figments of my immagination, or at least small. How crazy is my thought process? But Mr. Psychiatrist thinks I'll get better. I'll just borrow some of that hope for a while...

Here are two examples of using a method of getting rid of thoughts that involves immagining them leaving, gone wrong. One time, a set of depressed thoughts were sent up into the sky on immaginary rockets over a short period of time. Then that got depressing because of all the depressedness that was then in the sky. My recent example involves rabbits. I immagine the thought jumping away like a bunny. It worked okay, until suddenly I pictured a whole bunch of rabbits jumping around in all directions, but keeping the ground near me well populated. So much for that idea. Maybe I should go back to the Ships sailing in the Ocean scheme. And cut the anchor off, and use a great big blowdrier to fill the sails in case the ship ever anchors itself in place or is stuck in motionless weather. (And the coal/gas/paddles/etc. are all just gone!). Okay, that's sarcastic enough. I don't think I've actually had any problem with the Ships sailing the Ocean picture. Yet. :)

Progress on the breakfast foods front; I am actually using Vanilla soy milk and a new-to-me cereal instead of the old standbye cereal with chocolate soy milk. (Of course, I want to go back to the chocolate soy milk, but I am eating this.) Also, I rearranged my room, and fell asleep after a while and after knitting and eating chocolate. I have this idea that chocolate candy helps me fall asleep. Never mind the caffeine.

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