Brain, you're being mean to me. I'm gonna tell my psychiatrist on you!

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OCD meddling in my education (again)

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What do you know, the insert picture function thingy is working today! Hence my photo not taking over more of the blog than it should. Today, if OCD were little g gods, I would have offended the gods. Actually, I did it last night. Thank you so much, professor, for giving OCD the opportunity to knock me to my knees. I'll have you know, however, that I am making some small show of resistance. Which I will explain. This is what I did. I did the communication screen with a little kid as per the instructions. Then, looking over it at home, I thought I missed something, so proceeded to correct something to say how the child actually pronounced it, not how I forgot and left it. And then the monster pounced. Because, being an hour or so removed from the situation, I no longer knew for absolute certain how the child said that word anymore. But I had just struck through the assumed mispronounced sound. So do I go all the way a...
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Sunday

Well, played guitar in church today. I only dreamt about it two nights since Wednesday when I agreed to play. And neither dream was a total disaster... Anxiety, how much you do for me. Glad that's over until I start working up to playing next Sunday, too. Two Sundays in a row. Probably good for dealing with the anxiety monster. The pastor preached on Psalm 4 today, the second half of the (very short) chapter. It included dealing with upsetting emotions. He was good about saying that having the emotions themselves wasn't the problem, but then we have to deal with it. By stopping. A good old "be still" type verse is stuck in there, along with that vague "meditate" word (but not in my version; mine used other words for about the same meaning). The pastor's paraphrase of the meditating part was to address yourself, telling yourself to "be still" etc. Anyhow, by the end of the sermon and the chapter, he was hoping that people around us would see t...
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"might" and "should"

Well, I write ... I can't say that word because I don't know how to spell it (don't worry, it wasn't a bad word). I write tiredly after a loong day at work. I wasn't really expecting my two afternoons a week to go past 8 hours total each day, but I was kind of wrong. The chances are somewhat half and half that I'll get out close to 8 hours or over. But I'm having a little trouble. Today was over, but my boss apologized, saying I shouldn't have been there that late. Ahhh. That's nice to know. But then what about Tuesday, when I also worked late? My counselor suggested that I enact my back-up plan to ask to go back to just mornings, since afternoons are giving me a bit extra struggle. The biggest issues? One, I hate making waves, and not working afternoons might mess things up, and a "might" is all I need, since I have OCD, to spike anxiety. The other? I was finally feeling like I was working "enough," like I wasn't wor...
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