Friday, April 20, 2012

school stress declines, med dose increases, no corelation for the moment

Oh, no. They just changed format for blogger. I think that is annoying (the change, not necessarily how they have changed it)... but I'll get used to it.

As might be expected, my counselor and my psychiatrist were quick to point out that other things could be causing my tiredness and my anxiety. Like taking too many classes, for example. (And neither of them argued with me when I said I took too many classes.) But I only have two weeks left, so I think I will survive.

And the teacher I was so frustrated with? He wrote back a nice, reasonable letter explaining that he didn't mean for me to feel frustrated and explaining the project in more detail, including that he was more interested in how we were signing than what we were signing on this project (I'd been stressing out about having "good enough" research and perfect APA reference listings and all that). So I think I will survive. And it is due in a week, so I have visualized for myself that I will do my best, send it in, and then the pressure will go away and it will be okay - "please, God, let me get a B or a C, whatever I need so that it doesn't hinder me later." Um, if I only pray that twice - oh, wait, maybe that would be more like 5 times due to my lovely habit of repeating myself - can it not count as a compulsion? Or... let's just decide not to pray it any more and not worry about whether or not I performed it as a compulsion in the past.

Back to the psychiatrist, he, of course, was more interested in raising my dose. He said it wasn't a fair comparison with my last SSRI, since I would need to triple or quadruple the dose to be equivalent of my last SSRI's dose. Yes, both of those are more than the "recommended" doses. Yay, OCD, so glad you are around to make me have to take two or three times the normal dose of things.

Of course, the OCD has decided to concentrate on scrupulosity - well, that or it has gone into hiding. But I get really, really confused sorting out depression, scrupulosity, and fallout from some bad church experiences. What is what? Who knows? Who cares (besides me)? So I would like to argue that I shouldn't need OCD medication right now.

You know, this keeps coming around and its visiting me again. The, I'm doing so much better; all the depression and anxiety I have left is purely my imagination. Aren't you jealous of my counselor? Actually, I think she often doesn't realize when I go through these periods because she seems to think that we already dealt with that and moved on. I've thought that, too, but am trying to decide that it will keep coming up, at least potentially.

My counselor's idea for improving my waking up was confirmed by my psychiatrist; I'm going to take the new SSRI in the morning instead of at night. I'm hoping it works... I took it this morning. Sure gave me an amazing nap this afternoon - I woke up thinking it was a weekday morning and I was running late for work. But that's okay; at least it wasn't true.

I've figured out at least part of my summer academic schedule. I get to take this lovely correspondence course for Human Anatomy. With a "virtual lab." I'm really excited about that. Even though I appreciated my college labs. I don't like doing them myself, though, and I didn't want to take Human Anatomy from my community college. Anyway, here is the best thing about this class; I have a whole year to complete it. Perfect! I plan to get it all done this summer anyway, but that far away deadline should help keep the stress down. Then I was tempted to go ahead and take to classes this summer, but I'm thinking I'll stick to my one class plan. Because I need a rest from the school stress. And because, even though I could take all year for the anatomy class, I don't want too, since I have other classes to take the rest of the year.

And another best thing? The big text book they use? They are still using the 5th instead of the 6th edition, so I found it online for $12.18 including shipping and handling. From my neighboring state. Perfect!

I seem to be in a good mood tonight. I also did some studying this afternoon, but I modeled it after the Speech Therapy pattern often used with children where they work on something for a little and then play a game or part of a game. I bribed myself through most of a journal article. It was fun.

1 comment:

  1. Abigail, I'm on a higher dose than "normal" for one med too. The only problem with that is every year my insurance company wants to fight it, and it has to be specially "authorized."

    My therapist as well as different doctors have told me I'll always be on medication, and that's OK with me. They help me a lot.