I went to the new psychiatrist yesterday. To my great delight, he expressed hope that with medication I could get healthier than moderately depressed with a good bit of OCD thrown in. As I hoped he would, he changed my SSRI.
And then comes the fun part. I started "experiencing" side effects before I've even taken the new medication! I picked it up last night, but planned to take my first half pill tonight. In the mean time, I'm experiencing extra tiredness and some sort of almost dizziness in my excersize class. Which I would definately consider blaming on the new medication if I'd actually started it. But I haven't, so I have only my brain to thank. Because not taking my old SSRI this morning shouldn't effect me at all yet, as far as I am aware. Oh, we could thank the flu, too. Because that silly thing seems to like to come for a second visit just under a week later. I consider myself healthy-but-extra-tired now. (haha, what's new.) Actually, none of these "side effect" feelings are particularly unusual. I just like to forget that they come up fairly regularly. I like to remember the excersize days when I didn't struggle to complete the class instead of the days when I felt rediculously tired.
This psychiatrist checked to make sure they had told me that Seroquel could result in my getting diabetes, among other risks. They might have mentioned it, but I'd forgotten. Now my OCD remembers. And he hasn't taken me off the Seroquel yet (though he intends to not leave me on it too long). So as I eat my sweat food today (I didn't want to eat at all, but compromised on sweat food), who knows what terrible things the sugar is doing to me.
I can conceive of life without depression. I don't know how accurate my idea is, but I can immagine not being depressed. OCD is another story. I can't immagine not having that sort of thoughts floating through my brain and bugging me throughout the day. What would life be like without OCD? So maybe that's why I told the psychiatrist that the depression bothered me more than the OCD, because I don't even know what it would be like to not have OCD.
One more piece of entertaining trivia (at least OCD is funny, though not fun). I went back to the "what if I said the wrong thing to the doctor and he gave me the wrong medication" thought I had back in July. Different doctor, different medication, same faithful OCD.
But I feel more hopeful with the new psychiatrist, who says he usually calls back the same day if I call with a problem, unlike the nurse that called me back a week later when I had medication concerns in the fall. I feel more hopeful. And I like the feeling of hope.
And I will stop eating grapefruit like the medication paper says, but I like grapefruit, so it is a sacrifice (not much of one, though, since I hardly ever bought grapefruit anyway).