Sunday, January 23, 2011

reality and feelings

"Am I dizzy, or do I just feel dizzy?" I asked myself. Followed by being incredulous that I'd actually asked myself that. I do that sort of thing alot, but it doesn't make alot of sense. Am I sad, or do I just feel sad (what's the difference?)? Am I depressed or do I just feel depressed? Am I happy, or do I just feel happy? Well, actually, I want to feel happy, so I usually accept that feeling. Oh, even more suspicious. The point is, I felt almost-dizzy. The point is, I sometimes feel depressed. I don't have to second guess every feeling.

But, my ocd lies to me. I feel anxious when I don't need to. I feel anxious that using this computer instead of that will cause something bad to happen, but I know that feeling isn't an accurate picture of reality. But it is an accurate description of how I'm feeling. There seems to be where I get confused. My feeling doesn't make one computer more dangerous than another. But my feeling of anxiety actually exists, whether the thought causing it is accurate or not. See if I can remember that fine (obvious, but still somehow confusing) distinction!

Especially when I go see the new psychiatrist.

2 comments:

  1. Related to your second paragraph, I've been working hard to remind myself lately that thoughts aren't facts. It doesn't always help, but sometimes it does.

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  2. This is when I have to use "my best guess"--if I get into any fine distinctions about whether I feel a certain way or not, I get stuck in it really quickly. Last week my ear hurt, and I got into a loop of "does it really hurt?" and finally realized my OCD was acting up, and took my best guess that I had some discomfort in my ear, but no other figuring out was going to help. I hope the new psychiatrist has a good understanding of OCD--that would really help!

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