Sunday, January 23, 2011

reality and feelings

"Am I dizzy, or do I just feel dizzy?" I asked myself. Followed by being incredulous that I'd actually asked myself that. I do that sort of thing alot, but it doesn't make alot of sense. Am I sad, or do I just feel sad (what's the difference?)? Am I depressed or do I just feel depressed? Am I happy, or do I just feel happy? Well, actually, I want to feel happy, so I usually accept that feeling. Oh, even more suspicious. The point is, I felt almost-dizzy. The point is, I sometimes feel depressed. I don't have to second guess every feeling.

But, my ocd lies to me. I feel anxious when I don't need to. I feel anxious that using this computer instead of that will cause something bad to happen, but I know that feeling isn't an accurate picture of reality. But it is an accurate description of how I'm feeling. There seems to be where I get confused. My feeling doesn't make one computer more dangerous than another. But my feeling of anxiety actually exists, whether the thought causing it is accurate or not. See if I can remember that fine (obvious, but still somehow confusing) distinction!

Especially when I go see the new psychiatrist.


  1. Related to your second paragraph, I've been working hard to remind myself lately that thoughts aren't facts. It doesn't always help, but sometimes it does.

  2. This is when I have to use "my best guess"--if I get into any fine distinctions about whether I feel a certain way or not, I get stuck in it really quickly. Last week my ear hurt, and I got into a loop of "does it really hurt?" and finally realized my OCD was acting up, and took my best guess that I had some discomfort in my ear, but no other figuring out was going to help. I hope the new psychiatrist has a good understanding of OCD--that would really help!