Friday, June 3, 2011

this and that

Last night, I was informed that I wasn't supposed to dream about my current job at night. My dreams should be of things further back in my history. Really? I've been dreaming about my then-current job for years. Sure, sometimes I have students who are thousands of miles apart in the same setting, but who doesn't dream about their work? Appearently lots of people. Same as lots of people don't wonder if they hit something they shouldn't while they drive safely. So now, am I cheated of dreaming right, too? Maybe. Or maybe lots of people are and I'm not. As for realistic dreams that I almost confuse with what really happened, I'm not running too short for my tastes. It's a little unnerving.

This morning, the event occured that I used to set three or more alarms for at different times of the morning (and then repeatedly check that they were on and set right the night before). I slept in. I shut the alarm off, and slept (dreaming about getting ready for work and about work today - what do people think about dreaming about the near future? Does that make me really messed up?) until my boss called to see what was up. Here's the good news. A coworker told her that I wasn't there yet and that "it wasn't like me not to be on time." So they were worried. I'm just glad I have six months of mostly on-time arrivals to offset my 45 minutes late today (and it would have been longer if she hadn't called).

I wondered to myself what happened. I didn't stay up rediculously late last night. I don't think I made a mistake until this morning, when I turned the alarm off and fell back asleep. Or maybe the time I woke up and assumed it was still early, so I didn't look at the clock so that I wouldn't panic and not sleep any more. Anyway, I think I'll add an alarm in the mornings. I can persist in trying not to check them multiple times the night before, but I think I want one more alarm. Oh, and yes, I remember reading that having your feared thing occuring once in a great while was not cause to return to the compulsions. But really? Appearently I'm not into killing my OCD too fast? (As if there was any danger.)

I haven't been feeling good. Depression-type stuff. Somebody said I could call it after the medication. I didn't think that would help, but today, I'm calling it fluvoxaminitis. It refers to a general disgusting feeling, unmerrited sleepiness, loss of appetite, stomach threatening a revolt, and excessive sadness. I did decide that I currently wanted to live. That's a relief. And my great goal in life? (I mean currently, not long term.) I'm trying to knit a blanket. A big blanket. For me, not my doll nor for the child I don't have, nor for the neices and nefews I'm not yet expecting. But that will take a lot of yarn and perseverence. So I try to knit fast so that I finish before I give up. Okay, and the next color/multicolor of yarn is more desirable that the current one. Silly me. Well, the one I'm using now is slightly, almost ugly. The next one is pretty nice, and the next one is in bright Christmas colors. And yes, that's the yarn I want to use.

The downside to being in a hurry (aside from not enjoying the present as much) is that I get tense. Even trying to type fast I get tense.

1 comment:

  1. I have dreams that I am doing compulsions, which increases the fun of OCD. . .Knitting is a great thing for me. I love it. If the blanket is for you, you could switch to the yarn you like. It would be an exposure for sure, but I've knitted with semi-ugly yarn, and it's really not as much fun as the nice yarn.

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