Brave

Sometimes I think that (other) people with mental illnesses who are still fighting, I think they are so brave. I forget to apply that to myself; personally, I know how un-bold I'm feeling. How sick of everything. How it's hard to keep going. I know more of the tears I've cried, more of the times I've indulged in coming up with bad solutions. I know more of the hours of "un-needed" sleep I've enjoyed, more of the therapy homework I've left undone, more of the meals I have trouble bringing myself to eat. I don't feel bold. But really, I am part of their group. Maybe they don't "feel" brave, either.

It's amazing how much sympathy and care other people with mental illnesses can give to each other. Never mind - or perhaps especially in mind - of their own time in deep dark holes. Them there telling me to take care of myself. Me promising to see them next week. I'm glad I go to some support groups here locally. They aren't specifically for OCD - more generally for people dealing with mental illnesses. But it's helped me.

Comments

  1. Fellow OCD SuffererAugust 6, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    Glad to hear that you have found support in your area! I can relate so much to not "feeling" brave. I watch others do their homework and fight their disorders, and I admire them for their efforts, efforts I don't always feel like I am making. I, too, forget to apply that point of view to myself, though. Even when people tell me that they think I've done something "brave," I write it off as nothing. Taking a moment to look at my own successes the way I look at those of other people can definitely be powerful and uplifting.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I miss my blog

 Well, 4+ years later, and I still have the OCD/Anxiety/Depression combo. I take more psych meds than ever. I've been hospitalized twice, tried TMS, and been enrolled in two Intensive Outpatient Programs, one of which made me slightly in favor of DBT and the second, which turned me off, even though that was mostly due to one person mishandling a situation. I'm currently attending the online International OCD Foundation conference. I did in 2020, too. I don't know if I'm more agitated now, or more aware of my agitation. I like to color while listening to presentations, or even organize my house - I don't like that so much as I tend to like the results. I am a dedicated fidget-er. My Executive Function is more obviously an issue to me now. I did start a medication a couple months before I noticed it more, but the sleep doctor who prescribed it brushed off my concerns, saying people like to take it to help them study. Maybe sleep doctors aren't as aware as the psyc
Read more

My merry-go-round

I've been keeping a mood log since sometime last May, or maybe June. I've done it on the OpenOffice software similar to Excel. This means I can do cool stuff like make charts and graphs to see how my mood has swooped around over the last year. This last week, I found that you can also put in a trend line over your chart. This was neat, but disturbing. I used it over charts made from week averages for the last 10 or 11 months. I learned that: My depression at its best (each day, then averaged per week) is getting better. My depression at its worst (each day, then averaged per week) is getting worse. My anxiety is getting worse. My sleep time is increasing. My exercise time is decreasing. Or, in short, my worst is getting worse. So then I wonder if I'm using the same standards to judge my mood as I was using in May last year. After all, the mood ratings are subjective, done each day, or occasionally every few days. But what if anxiety that I called a 5 in May would be
Read more

An unseen illness

Well, to continue a train of thought started at 71 and Sunny 's blog, lots of my OCD has been, well, invisible. Every now and then, I'd spout off an imitation of my brain's on-going monologue, and either be regarded as worrying about stupid things or be regarded with a bit more respect. My brain jumped topics pretty well, too. I'm not sure if that is typical with OCD, but it usually was with mine. Like while driving. "I wonder if I offended so-and-so last night in our conversation. Oops, I went over a bump. Was it a bump, or a person? Check mirror. Looks like nothing, but maybe there was a person lying in the depression in the road. Well, probably not too realistic. But wait; I wasn't paying attention for the last moment. Better check the mirror again. Rats, checking the mirror meant I didn't pay perfect attention in front of me. Quick, check it again. No, don't look that long, now you have to look again. This is not going to work. Look further ahead,
Read more