I'm hungry. That's a good thing. A very good thing. Yesterday, after not eating for thirteen hours so they could get their blood sample from me to do tests I can't remember, I got kind of sick. The new, lightheaded thing. But I had a special variation last night; a buzzing sound/feeling would leap through my head, sometimes a few times in a row, and then leave. But it sometimes (but not always) threw my vision off a bit, too. A bit of a spinning world thing. And I could have that sensation while lying down; it wasn't limmited to when I stood up. But thank God, today the lightheaded, spinning headed, thing went away long enough for work. There was a moment when I determined that I should eat lest the lightheaded thing return. And now I shouldn't wait too long before my lunch or I might end up missing my class tonight... My boss spoke brilliantly to me today. She said that the longer I didn't hear from the doctor, the better the news was, because if it was really bad, they would call sooner. I two-thirds believe her. But even by that, I've got another day before I can determine a better or worse outcome. But really, my concerns are more focused on not getting spinning-head/lightheaded issues so that I can safely drive to my class tonight and counseling tomorrow. And for that, I should avoid worrying and not avoid food. (But what on earth will I do between working and eating and my class? Another movie? How many of those am I going to watch? What if they start getting too boring or too expensive? And so on and so forth. Have a good lunch/supper and may your head feel stable and fully supplied with oxygen.
time
I'm using up time. On purpose. There was a time when I thought time was practically worth money. Now I spend money to get through the time. Because I'm not worried about the time or the money (false: I'm worried about too little money and too much time). My main goal is not to give in to the latest, greatest (more than a year old) depression thought. Sometimes I wish I could pull out the thought and put it on the floor and stomp on it, or something like that. Wish I could. But, as I told someone yesterday, this is my life [right now]. And, as I agreed with someone else, I'm hangin' in there. I don't like Halloween. Because my depression is particularly intrusive on this day. And because I'm scared of some costumed teenagers "trick"ing me. The darkness at "trickortreat" time doesn't help. Probably the fact that my family hid from the trickortreaters doesn't help either. We used to celebrate Reformation Day on this day, in honor...
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