Friday, November 16, 2012

feeling more hope

Ah, the lovely feeling of ... HOPE! Don't know why it came visiting this evening, even while I'm hungry for supper, but here it is!

It seemed to start coming when I started actually doing the things on my list that are related to my fears.

I.e., reapplying for Food Stamps. Cue the form-filling OCD obsessions. (I'm gonna do it wrong. What if I tell a lie, accidentally or subconsciously on purpose? What if I send the wrong support information? - oh, wait, that one is easy; they will just contact me and ask for the right information.) But actually, some of the questions are remarkably easy. Like my address. I do know that. For sure and certain. (Now that I've said that, I'm trying to think of a way I could be wrong.)

And listening to a lecture. It was actually fine. Long enough that I wanted to take a break in the middle, but that doesn't have to be long. The next two lectures are really long, but they have been successfully downloaded (I hope). And, my college adviser said it would be okay if I keep going along at six credits per semester, so I don't have to panic about needing to add more credits next semester.

And washing dishes? Well, it wasn't too bad when I washed some last night. So surely I can do that tonight, too... I can do it! I can do it! I want to do it! I ... will eat supper first. :)

And changing my piglet's cage? Well, that just needs to happen. It smells bad. And if I clean it BEFORE I search through my drawer of Possibly Important Papers to find what has become a Wanted Paper (to back up information on my Food Stamps application), well, the paper sorting should be more pleasant.

And it isn't on my list, but I want to clean up my apartment because it is all cluttery.

And it wasn't on my list, but I read some of Therese Borchard's blog posts, and that was encouraging, too. You can find it here. She has encouraged me on other days, as well. And I found her through somebody else's blog, perhaps one of yours.

And I'm watching Season 2 of Full House. It makes me laugh, on the one hand, but when it stops, I often feel more depressed. Come to think of it, that happened before with some other tv shows on dvd. And I wondered then if I was sad because I wasn't married like the main characters, but with Full House, it would have to be something else, since they aren't married right now. My counselor and I hypothesized last time that it was because when the video stopped, I wasn't distracted and felt my depression again. And maybe I was relaxed enough to feel it more (work distracts and stresses me before I watch these videos).

Anyway, I want to go eat supper (but don't want to drive home, but do want to eat at home, and for sure don't want to walk home, so I'd better go ahead and drive). So I leave with a little more hope inside me! Yay.

4 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you're feeling hope! It's a powerful thing, that's for sure. You are accomplishing a lot, and you should be proud of it all!

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  2. Yay, glad you are feeling hopeful today! Hope supper was yummy. : )

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  3. Strange... Full House has that effect on me too.

    I love Therese Borchard. You may have found her through my blog, for I have sometimes blogged about her and I have a link to her on my blog.

    I'm so glad you are feeling hope!

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  4. thanks for sharing.

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