Tuesday, November 20, 2012

OCD found a silver lining

You wouldn't expect OCD to find a silver lining. Then again, maybe you would. OCD finds some sort of reassurance in a particular misery of mine... yeah, that has probably happened before.

In this case, the cloud was that I needed to replace the rear brakes on my car. Not what I'd planned for my try-to-reduce-my-credit-card-debt plan. And the brakes would cost more than what the lady put down for the value of my car when she helped me with my Food Stamps application last time. And there I finally found relief. See, I was thinking that this time, since I'm the one writing the value down, maybe I should put a higher number on the value of my car (which is really a mystery value, since nobody knows how long it will last; it is an old car, nearly as old as I am). Maybe it was worth more than the lady decided the first time. But add a big repair bill to the picture? Okay, the lady had a good value picked out. So that OCD dilemma was solved, thanks to my rear brakes going bad.

And I sent in my paperwork yesterday, which I hoped would take lots of my anxiety away. Actually, I think it has. But not all the way to being anxiety free (what was I thinking? that by winning one OCD battle, all my disordered anxiety would forever leave me? Am I an optomist or something?).

Now my brakes are fixed, too. My bank account is poorer, my credit card company is getting richer, and I'm feeling okay. Especially since I studied for one of my classes for over an hour while waiting for my car to be fixed. Has me ready to do something exciting, like window shop, with mostly no guilt, because I've already worked and done my school work. Haven't done my exercising yet - that's where the rest of the guilt tries to get in. But I can do that later. And if I don't? So what? I haven't been exercising much in a while, so it wouldn't be the end of the world (for all of which, Abigail, you really should exercise at least a little more, for starters).

My therapy light? I like it. Can't say for sure if it is working or not, but it seems to have something of the effect of a moment of blue sky, even if it is just the temporary feeling of, "ah, that's nice." I am glad I got the light I did that wasn't so bright; I still don't like to be too close to it (the goal is 6 inches, and I'm running around a foot or foot and a half, which is still okay, just less light exposure).

And just one more day of work this week! This is one of the few long weekends scheduled into the daycare's over all plan. I do have a test set up for Friday, and one more quiz to take before the end of Saturday, but other than that, I'm fairly free!


  1. Everything will get sorted with your finances. It will take some time but it will happen.

    I'm glad your light is working!

  2. I'm glad you got your brakes fixed. I agree with Elizabeth--it can take some time, but your finances will get sorted out.

    Glad you like your light! I hope you have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving--enjoy the weekend!