Thursday, December 30, 2010

objectivity

I guesssometimes I'm not very objective. The word makes me think of stepping back and seeing a more accurate picture. Like being reminded by my counselor that, even though I don't like the feeling of being angry, really, I'm pretty mild when I'm angry.

So glad I got to see my counselor again. It's been like three weeks, which translates to very long in my current state of mind. So helpful to have her to say, no, you shouldn't cancel your psychiatrist appointment just because you are "mad at him". And are you more angry with him, or with feeling the way you do for so long?

Yeah. So it's hard for me to admit that being moderately depressed isn't fun despite the improvement from severly depressed. It's frustrating to feel like I feel no better and maybe worse than I felt right before I started medications. Okay, some better and some worse. Net effect doesn't seem worth the dollars I pay for the medication.

Ah, well. And my general health doesn't help. I've finished two rounds of antibiotics since Thanksgiving and am feeling less than perfectly healthy. Maybe a sinus infection. But no, I don't want to go in to the doctor and admit that I'm still feeling sick, that the day after I finished my antibiotic I started feeling worse. Um, yeah, maybe next week. For now I have the weekend to relax. Because I get a three day weekend. Well, actually three and a half, counting this afternoon.

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